Time for a Snack |

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Time for a Snack

Time for a Snack

BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER

The inspiration for this column comes to you compliments of my friend Tracy. Tracy is beautiful, svelte, and has a killer sense of humor. It’s tough not to hate her sometimes. But, I’ll get past that and move on. Tracy is a die-hard Gym Rat. She has a trainer, who is a die-hard I’m-Here-For-You-And-To-Save-The-Planet-From-The-Ravages-Of-Junk Food-And-Anything-Else-Worth-Eating Trainer. She, the Trainer, sends her clients helpful emails that will allow them to give up food entirely so they can fit into cute size 00 workout apparel. I go to the gym daily, but I don’t presently have a trainer, and so I’m not receiving trainer emails. I was curious to see what Tracy’s trainer sent her.

The one she sent me this morning was headed: “Fast Facts From Fitness Matters—Poolside Primer.” There’s some really great alliteration going here. I would have made it perfect by saying: “Fast Facts From Fitness Forum…”(or some other F word that I can’t print here). That way there would be five F words and two P words. Cool, huh.

She follows with “Are you ready to put on a bathing suit?” This is not the way to get my attention, since I have been trying to prepare myself for putting on a bathing suit since 1993. I’m still not ready, and I don’t like to be pushed.

Here is the trainer’s suggestion for weight loss: “In order to lose weight, you must consume fewer calories than you expend on any given day.” This is a brilliant suggestion, but flawed: I don’t know how many calories I have expended during the day until the day is over, when it is too late to do anything about it. For example, last week, I had a mini-crisis with my real estate business involving someone not returning a phone call as a deadline rapidly approached. My response, an understandable response I might add, was to eat all of the chocolate we keep at the office for such emergencies. It was not until the day was over that I realized (too late, of course) that I had not run to New Jersey and back during the day, which would have used up most of the calories I had consumed.

The Trainer provides a handy chart, showing a gradual decline from “Very Hungry” (starving/desperate) all the way to “Much Too Full” (stuffed). She advises that people should live somewhere in the middle, in the “desirable range” of “Moderately Hungry” to “Mildly Full.” I have never, to my knowledge, visited this interesting, and desired, middle range. When I get hungry, I go immediately to “Red Alert You Will Perish If You Do Not Eat Immediately Very Hungry.” And, since our culture has conveniently provided me with food on virtually every street corner, I can leap to “Why On Earth Did I Eat That Stupid Thing I Am Much Too Full” in the time it takes me to park my car, run into a Seven-11, get back into my car and start plowing into whatever I purchased.

Following this on the email is the extremely helpful statement: “The really important question to ask yourself before you eat anything is ‘Am I really hungry?’ Tune in to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Rate your hunger on the Hunger/Fullness Scale. If you aren’t really hungry, what else may be going on? You may be eating in response to emotions or stress.” I have done this many times. But, by the time I have completed this extremely valuable analysis of my entire life as it impacts on my need for food at that particular moment in time, the bag of chocolate covered pretzels or pint of coffee Haagen-Dazs or large package of those yummy little chocolate covered donettes are a mere memory.

The trainer asks, “Ever notice that when you’re really stressed, you tend to crave comfort foods that are high in fat or sugar?” Yes, I have actually noticed that, usually at that same aforementioned point in time when I am staring into the empty ice cream carton or candy wrapper or cookie box.

The trainer then informs us that Serotonin, Cortisol, and Neuropeptide Y are the three hormones that play a role in why we eat. They are sort of the “Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” of the diet and hormone world. I won’t say anything more about these, since they don’t come in a chocolate-covered edible version and so are really boring to talk about.

Come to think of it, I’m bored thinking about any of this. Time for a snack.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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