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Information and Conversation for my Generation
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Financial Fluency: My first Month
BLOGGER: DEBORAH HEISER
Click this link to read the first article: Our Race to Retirement
Click this link to read the second article: Our Race to Retirement: The Preparation Begins
A bit more than a month has passed since Jackie, Judy and I purchased our first stocks. Here’s how it happened. We took a financial fluency course and were inspired to compete (using 1,000) to see who could do the best at picking stocks.
Jackie, Judy and I each set up accounts for 1,000. Here’s how we’ve done so far…
Debbie:
To start, I decided to use an old retirement account that had been doing poorly for many years (and I mean poorly – when I got it way more than 10 years ago, it had 5,000 in it. Since that time, it has dipped to less than 1,000). I wondered if I’d end up owing money on it and figured I couldn’t possibly do worse than the professionals who had managed it.
Then I looked around at what I like personally, and what I use personally on a regular basis. I continued to read the papers and online news: NY Times, CNN, WSJ, and I added something new. I looked at what I tend to purchase, what I like, and what I notice others doing and buying. Since I don’t’ eat out all that often, I didn’t feel comfortable buying fast food or restaurant/coffee shop stocks. I also don’t have major brand loyalty when it comes to major stores for shopping. I’ll go anywhere for the basics. So, that left me with my annual gift that I get from my husband. A handbag. If there is a major holiday or birthday, I’m sure to get a handbag. And, it is from Coach. Although this didn’t start based on brand loyalty (he couldn’t find the store he was originally looking for and stopped in at a Coach store and bought the bag in the window). I liked the bag, so rather than try something new, this bag purchase has become a tradition. I looked around and noticed a lot of other women toting Coach bags and accessories: on the subway, in the grocery store, on the street, and in airports. They are everywhere! So, I made my first purchase of nearly 500.00 (I found out you don’t get much for 500.00) and left the rest of the money in the account to see how I did with my first pick.
This was because I’ve always had HP printers, and everyone I know for the most part has HP printers. I realized this isn’t a good reason to pick a stock, but it worked for Coach, so why not. Anyway, it did well for a day or two and I felt like a stock picking winner. Then…the decline. Day after day, decline in both stocks. In fact, I kept reading the news and came to find out even Coach CEO and EVPs sold massive amounts of their personal stocks in the company. So, I am not considering myself a stock picking maven.
I did notice, though, the market has bounced back up and my stocks are about even with where they were when I purchased them. I’m going to just sit back and wait to see how they do. I’m not planning to impulsively sell them or do anything for now.
Judy:
Judy has a bit more knowledge than me (she is the smart one) and she bought her stocks when they got to a price per share she was comfortable with . In her words “I placed orders on all these stocks. I did a little research, saw the previous days lows and highs, and picked a figure a little higher than the low. Wouldn’t you know, the stocks kept climbing from that day on! It took a few days/weeks to secure my stocks at my order prices.” Judy bought Target, Diamond ETF (I have no idea what that is) and Panera (based on her 18 year-old daughter’s advice).
Target and Diamond ETF went down, but Panera went up.
Jackie:
She opened her account, bought her stock, and hasn’t checked it since, so we have no idea how she’s done. So, by default, unless she can prove otherwise, 
she moves behind me in this race.
So far…Race results are :
Judy
Debbie
Jackie
But don’t count anyone out yet. The race continues!!!!
If you’d like to join in on the “race” leave a comment.
And, we welcome advice!
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Midlife Body Flow
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
Twice a week, I take a Pilates Reformer class at my gym. The “Reformer” is a big, lightly padded board on wheels, with levers, pulleys, weights, and other components, all employed without the benefit of a user’s manual. It was either invented by Mr Pilates, the same person who invented people like Madonna, who is one of his disciples. Or, it might have been invented by some unnamed person who wanted to “reform” what Mr Pilates invented, since regular Pilates consists of human beings working out on the floor, whereas this gives a person thousands of dollars worth of apparatus to insert between the floor and one’s body. In addition, we are sometimes given a large, hollow, padded box to place either “long ways” or “short ways” on the board. Since, as well all know now, I am still not clear which way is “long ways” or “short ways.” I watch what other people are doing, and copy them. Other equipment includes the “magic ring,” the “jump board” and “the pole.” I choose to take Reformer classes instead of regular Pilates, because when I tell people I do “Reformer Pilates” they have no idea what I am talking about and so are completely impressed. They assume it is some advanced form of Pilates, known only to Victoria Beckham and other anointed individuals. The exact opposite is true. Reformer means no working on the floor, which is much easier. And, because space is limited due to the size of the machines, it also means much smaller classes, affording either individual attention or, on really good days, some kibitzing among participants that can waste some time. The downside to Reformer is that it costs money in addition to my monthly gym membership. Regular Pilates is included in the membership fee. But I have never given even a thought to regular Pilates, so I keep paying. There is a lovely, older woman in my Reformer class. She is in her eighties and brings her portable oxygen equipment with her. I am not making this up. I like having her in class, because she needs extra time to arrange her oxygen whenever we switch position, and this corresponds exactly with the extra time I need to figure out what the instructor is talking about, since I am usually initially facing the exact opposite way that everyone else is. One day last week, the sweet older woman suggested to me that I take a class called “Body Flow,” which is, like regular Pilates, included in gym membership. She takes Body Flow once a week and Reformer once a week. It works perfectly for her. She said Body Flow allows people to work at their own level. This sold me. First off, I like the phrase “Body Flow.” And it has the added advantage of being something else that others are unfamiliar with when I tell them what I do at the gym. I took the Body Flow class a couple days later. There were about twenty women in the room, whose combined weight equaled one large meal. Our equipment consisted of a mat the thickness of a good quality paper towel. I should add that the sweet older woman wasn’t there. As I came into the gym, I had noticed her in the Reformer room, a bad sign. Aside from two grey-haired women who each looked like when they are not at the gym they are hiking the Appalachian Trail, I was old enough to be everyone else’s mother. The instructor started with the following words: “We have a really, really tough workout planned today! Get ready! We will twist our bodies around in all kinds of ways that human bodies are not meant to twist! This will be brutal!” I scanned the room, Apparently, these words were greeted as positive, since everyone around me looked like hyenas just presented with a fresh zebra kill. The instructor proceeded by throwing out names of positions in rapid-fire manner. Most of them involved animals. To me, everything sounded like “The Down Dirty Dog,” except for the one called either “Ape” or “Gorilla,” which involved bending over from a standing position and placing the entire palms of one’s hands under one’s feet. After awhile, I really wasn’t paying much attention. I sort of slumped down on my mat and wondered why an eighty-something year old woman with portable oxygen equipment would do this to me. Isn’t there some kind of rule that when people get to be a certain age they can’t screw around with your life?
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Our Race to Retirement: The Preparation Begins
BLOGGER: DEBORAH HEISER
Click this link to read the first article: Our Race to Retirement
On our midlife quest to use our newly acquired basic (and I mean basic) financial knowledge about stocks, bonds, mutual funds and all sorts of other gobbly gook (I mean important information), Jackie, Judy and I have been preparing for May 1st . The- big day when we use our new financial skills to actually start trading! We’ve decided to take $1,000.00 and see if we can make it grow (and whoever does best…wins. I’m not sure what we win but anyway…).
I’ve been keeping track of what I’ve been doing since we took the course less than two weeks ago. Here’s what I’ve done so far:
Day 1
I came home at the end of the course filled with excitement. That evening I opened my binder. Then I closed it.
Day 2
The next day I got up and took out my binder again and opened it. Then I took a break and got a cup of coffee.
I came back and reopened the binder, took a deep breath and told myself it was now or never. I turned to the first tab: Day to Day Financial Planning. That was hard work. I needed another break, so I checked my email.
Once I got a grip on myself, I opened Excel and made myself sit at my desk. This was not easy. I got out the personal budget template, followed the category headings and made one for myself in Excel. Okay, not bad. I emailed Judy and Jackie to gloat…er…let them know I’d actually accomplished my first task. I felt pretty good!
Day 3
I was on fire. I turned the page in my binder and created my Personal Budget. This, I admit was not fun. Rationalizing all my take-out meals and other unnecessary necessities took a lot out of me. Granted, there wasn’t a real RED FLAG anywhere, all the spending just looks bad when it’s in black and white on a spreadsheet. Still, overall ICK.
Day 4
Drained from looking at spreadsheets, I took a day off to slack off a bit and tried to figure out how to rationalize my spending on take-out and eating in restaurants. This was tougher than I thought. So, I took anther day off to gather strength. Note, I didn’t even start to think about how I’d begin the investment part of the project.
Day 5
I still wasn’t thinking about investing, but figured I’d start thinking about the idea of thinking about investing. So, I set out to organize (which means open the file drawer) some of our accounts so I’d actually know what was in them. Lo and behold, I found an account I’d long ago forgotten about – an old Fidelity IRA account I had from a long ago job way before I even started grad school. It was one of those accounts where I received a statement in the mail periodically. I’d usually just throw it away, and ever so occasionally, I’d open it, see the amount had decreased yet again and then throw the statement away. That was the old me.
The new me phoned the company and asked all sorts of questions using my newly acquired financial lingo. I realized that I never called about my retirement accounts prior to this because I didn’t even know enough to know what kinds of questions to ask. I felt empowered.
I decided this account would be used as my starting point. My first steps were made – I have my $1,000 in an account and now I’m ready to start figuring out what stocks to buy. Wish me (oh yeah, and Jackie and Judy) luck!!!
If you have any tips or suggestions for us, please let us know.And…
Who do you think will win this competition?
Are you for Team Jackie, Team Judy or Team Debbie? Leave your pick in the comment box below and it will be posted!
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Time for a Snack
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
The inspiration for this column comes to you compliments of my friend Tracy. Tracy is beautiful, svelte, and has a killer sense of humor. It’s tough not to hate her sometimes. But, I’ll get past that and move on. Tracy is a die-hard Gym Rat. She has a trainer, who is a die-hard I’m-Here-For-You-And-To-Save-The-Planet-From-The-Ravages-Of-Junk Food-And-Anything-Else-Worth-Eating Trainer. She, the Trainer, sends her clients helpful emails that will allow them to give up food entirely so they can fit into cute size 00 workout apparel. I go to the gym daily, but I don’t presently have a trainer, and so I’m not receiving trainer emails. I was curious to see what Tracy’s trainer sent her.
The one she sent me this morning was headed: “Fast Facts From Fitness Matters—Poolside Primer.” There’s some really great alliteration going here. I would have made it perfect by saying: “Fast Facts From Fitness Forum…”(or some other F word that I can’t print here). That way there would be five F words and two P words. Cool, huh.
She follows with “Are you ready to put on a bathing suit?” This is not the way to get my attention, since I have been trying to prepare myself for putting on a bathing suit since 1993. I’m still not ready, and I don’t like to be pushed.
Here is the trainer’s suggestion for weight loss: “In order to lose weight, you must consume fewer calories than you expend on any given day.” This is a brilliant suggestion, but flawed: I don’t know how many calories I have expended during the day until the day is over, when it is too late to do anything about it. For example, last week, I had a mini-crisis with my real estate business involving someone not returning a phone call as a deadline rapidly approached. My response, an understandable response I might add, was to eat all of the chocolate we keep at the office for such emergencies. It was not until the day was over that I realized (too late, of course) that I had not run to New Jersey and back during the day, which would have used up most of the calories I had consumed.
The Trainer provides a handy chart, showing a gradual decline from “Very Hungry” (starving/desperate) all the way to “Much Too Full” (stuffed). She advises that people should live somewhere in the middle, in the “desirable range” of “Moderately Hungry” to “Mildly Full.” I have never, to my knowledge, visited this interesting, and desired, middle range. When I get hungry, I go immediately to “Red Alert You Will Perish If You Do Not Eat Immediately Very Hungry.” And, since our culture has conveniently provided me with food on virtually every street corner, I can leap to “Why On Earth Did I Eat That Stupid Thing I Am Much Too Full” in the time it takes me to park my car, run into a Seven-11, get back into my car and start plowing into whatever I purchased.
Following this on the email is the extremely helpful statement: “The really important question to ask yourself before you eat anything is ‘Am I really hungry?’ Tune in to the physical sensations you’re experiencing. Rate your hunger on the Hunger/Fullness Scale. If you aren’t really hungry, what else may be going on? You may be eating in response to emotions or stress.” I have done this many times. But, by the time I have completed this extremely valuable analysis of my entire life as it impacts on my need for food at that particular moment in time, the bag of chocolate covered pretzels or pint of coffee Haagen-Dazs or large package of those yummy little chocolate covered donettes are a mere memory.
The trainer asks, “Ever notice that when you’re really stressed, you tend to crave comfort foods that are high in fat or sugar?” Yes, I have actually noticed that, usually at that same aforementioned point in time when I am staring into the empty ice cream carton or candy wrapper or cookie box.
The trainer then informs us that Serotonin, Cortisol, and Neuropeptide Y are the three hormones that play a role in why we eat. They are sort of the “Good, the Bad, and the Ugly” of the diet and hormone world. I won’t say anything more about these, since they don’t come in a chocolate-covered edible version and so are really boring to talk about.
Come to think of it, I’m bored thinking about any of this. Time for a snack.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Sex and the Sixty: The Date
Blogger: Renee Fisher
Before reading, if you haven’t read the first three blogs in the series, you can click the links below:
Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match
Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop
When my friend Susan goes on actual dates, she does exactly the same things that most people do. She goes out to dinner. She goes to the movies. She goes to female impersonator shows. But somehow, the end result always seems to veer off course.
Sometimes, she and the guy never even make it to the actual date. On one occasion, she and her date planned a picnic. They would meet in the parking lot near the picnic area. They had decided that they would each bring food. Susan was to bring the wine; her date was to bring an assortment of cheeses and crackers. A romantic first date was anticipated by Susan. Subsequent events would make her less optimistic. Her date was late, and then, when he finally arrived, she watched him circle the parking lot for about five minutes before he finally parked the car.
When he did finally did pull into a parking space and Susan came over to his car, she asked him if there was a problem. He said there was no problem, but he immediately complained about the day being so warm and his wanting a soda during the drive and stopping at a 7-11 to get one, but not being willing to spend $1.50. Susan then told him that she had wanted to call him to see why he was late, but she didn’t have his cell number. He told her he didn’t own a cell phone because they were too expensive.
They then walked to what Susan described as “the edge a cliff” (Susan doesn’t get into parks very often). Susan carried a bottle of wine and two glasses. She noticed that her date didn’t seem to be carrying anything.
By now, she was adding up all the negatives of the situation and deciding that she really just wanted to go home. She told him she wasn’t feeling well, and decided to pass on the “picnic.” Her date expressed concern and asked her if she wanted to just go back to his car, sit and eat the crackers and two slices of Velveeta that were in his pocket. Susan told him she was allergic to Velveeta and left. She took the bottle of wine home with her and consumed a fair amount of it that evening.
Another favorite of mine (I’m not sure why Susan doesn’t find quite the humor in it that I do), is one that I referred to briefly in a previous column. I will now divulge all the details. Susan and a man planned a movie date at a theater that was located in a shopping mall. By the time they arrived, the theater was packed, and they couldn’t find seats together. Her date rearranged the entire audience by telling them he was going to propose to her and they had to sit together. One of the people who was forced out of her seat was an elderly woman with a walker. She ended up being moved to the first row, and being separated from her companion, all in the name of “love.”
Susan was mortified, but she said nothing. The movie began and after about 30 minutes, Susan’s date announced that he was going to get popcorn. He then disappeared for an hour. Susan considered the possibilities and decided that one of two things had occurred. Either he had a heart attack and the EMT had taken him away, not knowing that he had a date still sitting in the movie. The other possibility was that the elderly woman in the front row had beaten him senseless with her walker.
It turned out that neither of these had occurred. Her date finally returned, loaded with packages. He said he had gone shopping because he didn’t like the movie. He especially needed a new pair of shoes, and luckily, he found a store that had the perfect ones. He then proceeded to dig into his shopping bag to show her. Susan was so stunned, she didn’t say a word. When the movie ended, she walked to the front of the theater to try to find the elderly woman and ask her if she could borrow her walker for a moment. But the woman had already left.
I will explore more of Susan’s antics in subsequent postings. Luckily for you and me, if not for Susan, there seems to be a never-ending supply.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
If you haven’t read the first two blogs in the series, you can click the links below:
Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
After my friend Susan is contacted by men on various computer dating sites, and, after she continues to communicate with them via personal email and phone calls, she is able to eliminate most of them as not a good match for her. “Not a good match” may mean various things: One of the categories of “not-a-good-match” men include those who send her photos of their genitals. Susan assures me that this has happened on more than one occasion. I didn’t ask her if they were Glamour Shots or just candid. A second category that I have mentioned before are those who have yet to master the art of “spell check” on the computer. Here’s the most recent example, caps included:
YEP YOU ARE A LIVE WITH THE CHEESE AND CRACKERS YOU NEE WINE AND I WORK FOR A IMPORTER OF FINE FRENCH ARGENTINA AND SPANISH WINE I BE A GREAT PERSON TO GET TO KNOW
Another category includes men who have small children/pets/ex-wives (note: The children are small, but the pets and ex-wives can be any size) who take up most of their time. One man told Susan he had to go to his ex-wife’s house on a regular basis to mow the lawn. Unless he was destitute and worked out handyman/lawn services with the judge as a substitute for financial support, I’m thinking maybe he wasn’t quite ready to move on. Another had to end all dates by 8PM so he could go home and take care of his dog. About the only women he could develop a relationship with would be the ones who worked the night shift. A fourth category includes men who have other considerations that should preclude them from entering the dating world (or any other world, for that matter). One man told Susan he had no teeth and said that his son told him it might be a good idea to wait until he had his dentures before venturing out into the dating scene. Another man told Susan he was separated, and, when she asked him further, he revealed that “separated” meant that he was living in DC during the week and going home on weekends but had neglected to tell his wife that he considered himself “separated during his week in DC”) and then he couldn’t understand why Susan didn’t want to date someone who could have him all to herself all week long. If a man isn’t eliminated by any of the above circumstances, Susan usually agrees to meet him for coffee. She used to meet men for dinner, but I got really tired of hearing about four hour meetings, since the length of time usually had nothing to do with the quality of the date or the intention of either Susan or the man in question to ever get together again. The length of the meeting had more to do with Susan’s uncanny ability to have an hours- long conversation with anybody, including, in a pinch, inanimate objects. Because of this, I set ground rules for her: one hour at Starbucks or another place that serves coffee. Not a minute longer. Susan agreed, but she still came up with really creative ways to foil my best efforts. In the next episode, we will explore some of these.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
Click here to read the first blog in the Sex in the Sixty Series – Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
For those skeptics who might be thinking that my friend Susan’s poor results are because she hasn’t put enough of an effort into online dating, rest assured that she has been on most internet dating sites since the very first one (CaveMatch.com). She has only excluded the ones that will result in the FBI confiscating her computer. Both eHarmony and chemistry.com have now told her they can do nothing more for her unless she “expands her search area.” For Susan, this would mean either searching for men who are younger than her son, older than a Civil War veteran, or who are currently incarcerated.
After Susan is initially contacted by men on the various sites, she usually emails back and forth with them, using her personal email. Sometimes a phone call or two is part of the scenario.
One man told her he lived on a boat and wrote a long email explaining that he lived with a gorgeous 18 year old Dane. Susan assumed he was talking about a dog. He wasn’t. Another man spent a lot of time writing to her about his fishing trip. About the only fishing trip that ever held my attention for any length of time was the one in “Deliverance,” and this man’s email was longer than the “Deliverance” screenplay.
Susan sends me some of the emails that she gets. These are mostly from men who don’t have spell check on their computers:
“…let,s see,are there really any woman out there that are looking for true love, or are you all stell way to picky…”
“…she be my best friend, loving, caring, faithfull, understanding,be d/d free, clean about her self…”
“…i,m a BIG redskins fan, and have been sents 1969…”
One man, who seemed like a good prospect and who had a fair command of the English language, was very anxious to meet her in person. A coffee date was arranged for the following weekend, and each day, he would tell Susan how he couldn’t wait for their meeting. Then, a couple days before the weekend, he sent an email saying,
“I think it would be best if I canceled this Sunday…On Tuesday this week – it seems like a month ago – I met someone else online. We’ve yet to meet in person…but we spoke on the phone for an hour and a half – till her battery went dead….I’m amazed at how far, and how fast things have progressed. Maybe we’ve each found the person we’re both looking for…the degree of emotional closeness has developed very fast. Besides, I’m not good at trying to date two women at the same time. So, I sincerely wish you the best. I continued talking to you about meeting because there was a certain momentum there. I really was eager to meet you in person.”
I asked Susan what the “momentum” was all about and why she thought his momentum with the other woman trumped hers. All Susan could think of was that the other woman’s momentum was larger than hers.
Susan still has a lot of emails to sift through (something like 29 at last count), and I’ll be curious to see what she comes up with. I’ve suggested some ground rules for her when she meets guys, like only meeting for coffee and limiting the meeting to one hour. I figured that would minimize the damage. As we’ll see in the next posting, I was wrong. Very,very wrong.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
My friend Susan has had such a long, varied and rocky career as a dating single, that I, as one of her closest and dearest friends, listen to her tragic stories, and, as the caring, compassionate person I am, laugh myself sick.
It’s tough not to. Susan seems to attract a lot of really interesting and unique men. Some of them have “handles” that conjure up visions that make me a bit queasy:
pistolhead
riding cowboy
katlicker
dixiekraut
pistolpete
swabjock
Now for the actual words:
“I’m 62 but still active…”
Is he saying he is still sexually active or that he still has the ability to get out of bed in the morning?
“I haven’t been with a woman in eight years.”
If someone wrote that to me, I would immediately consult an attorney to find out which criminal offenses would result in an eight year prison term.
“Do ya judge the book by the appearance of the cover, or do ya open the cover to find out if the table of contents captures and peaks your interest enough to read more?”
Actually, I like to scan the index first, then check out the footnotes. Sometimes, I read the jacket, but other times I flip right to the author’s biography at the end…
This one is from “Looking For Busty”: “I am an older, independent, very safe, straight man in good shape and I like very much the younger woman who is busty, local and in very good shape for extra-curricular activities.”
Hey LFB, there are about 10,000 other guys waiting in line for her also. Good luck.
“I am looking for one woman, not two or more…”
I’m wondering about a person who has to clarify this. Has he had negative experiences with trying to find a soul mate and instead being tricked into having group sex?
“I am a very outgoing person and I always see the glass as half full. I’ve been told that I have a very humorist personality.”
This is also called the “Will Rogers Syndrome.”
“I’d like to volunteer this; I look and act a lot younger than I actually am.”
I’d like to volunteer this: 95% of people over the age of 45 would probably write exactly the same thing about themselves. The other 5% would use capital letters when they write the words “a lot.”
A recent poem Susan received had these lines hidden among all the others that professed undying love:
“When someone is willing to do without,
So your life is complete”
This would stop me in my tracks. This guy is either Bernie Madoff writing from his North Carolina jail cell or a man looking for someone to donate a kidney.
Susan was really excited when I told her I would write columns about her attempts at internet dating.
“You can be my blind author!” she exclaimed.
“I think you meant ‘ghost writer’,” I said.
Oh boy, are we going to have fun with this one.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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SEVEN MYTHS ABOUT WOMEN OVER FIFTY
BLOGGERS: Renee Fisher, Joyce Kramer, and Jean Peelen
We three women over fifty decided some years ago to change the conversation about aging and dispel myths about women over fifty. These myths may have had validity when none of us humans lived much past age fifty or sixty. Remember our grandmothers? They looked old at forty. They wore housedresses and sturdy shoes. Their lives were all about raising their children, and when that was done it seemed that at least in society’s eyes, their lives were done.
Today we women over fifty have changed considerably. Our average life span is eighty-plus years. We are out in the world, making art, saving villages, improving our communities, keeping up with runway fashions, and living our lives. Yet somehow, myths remain. Here are the ones we keep encountering.
1. Women over fifty don’t care what they look like.
Since two out of the three of us are planning to have our next round of cosmetic surgery, we take exception to this. We now remember with fondness that construction workers used to give us wolf-whistles. We thought it obnoxious then. We miss it now. Women like us drag ourselves to the gym, where we get to compete with twenty-somethings for parking spaces and treadmills. We take Yoga and Pilates, go on diets, run marathons, go on diets, dye our hair, go on diets, get contact lenses, go on diets. We care. A lot.
2. Women over fifty don’t like sex.
Since one of the three of us is married, this is a touchy subject. The answer is, just let a healthy, willing, attractive male show up in our vicinity and we will be ready. Or, if even two out of three of those categories show up, we will be ready. Actually, “willing” might make up for any other shortfalls, depending on how long it’s been. And just think, since we can’t get pregnant, we can just zip past the pregnancy prevention shelf at the drug store.
3. Women over fifty find menopause terrible and debilitating.
YES! Menopause is TERRIBLE and DEBILITATING. It ruins our lives. It is the worst thing that has ever been invented in the history of the universe. It is worse than diet ice cream. OK, now that we have acknowledged that, can we please move on? The fact is that two of us didn’t even notice menopause, except that we could also zip right past the sanitary products shelf too. So, menopause exists and we’ll have it for awhile, and then we’ll get over it.
4. Women over fifty can’t keep up with the times.
Interesting, since women over fifty are the fastest growing group on Facebook. We three have six computers among us. We have and use PDAs, GPSs, and iPods. We have almost outgrown email, and are Facebooking and twittering. And let’s face it: Without us, a lot of the Help Lines would go out of business. We may have grown up in the Stone Age, but we have managed to survive into the computer age.
5. Women over fifty miss our children and only want to be with our grandchildren.
We love and adore our children. We love and adore our grandchildren. That’s the only acceptable answer, isn’t it, since this will be in print? We love them the most when they don’t ask us to baby sit too much. But seriously, we can love them and still want a life. That’s the bottom line.
6. Women over fifty fear change.
That’s really funny, since virtually everything about us is changing. Body parts are moving to different locations or vacating entirely. Hair is now appearing in places it never was and disappearing from places it used to be. We could go on and on. So, we say we don’t fear change. We are, and have been, the movers and shakers of our lives. Go to any art class and see who is involved in creative pursuit. Go to yoga or meditation classes to see the same. Look at the women starting new careers, or the ones running for office. Check out writing classes, art appreciation classes, cooking classes. Look at who is doing work in developing countries, starting foundations, traveling the world, raising money for causes, marching for causes. Change? Bring it on! We are well-practiced, and good at it.
7. Women over fifty are counting the days until retirement.
We agree with this statement. No matter how much we love our careers, we are chomping at the bit to have the time to travel, to explore, to start new businesses, to enroll in college, to volunteer, to write books, to inspire our daughters’ and granddaughters’ generations with the unlimited possibility we have. We can’t wait to retire so we can see what’s next. We have lived only the first half of our lives and are anxious to see what we will create in the second half.
So, let us bury the useless, outworn myths along with all other outmoded notions of who we women are and what we are up to in our lives. We are here. We’re living, laughing, loving, and planning to be so for the next fifty years.
All of these myths and more are dispelled in our new book Saving the Best for Last: Creating Our Lives After 50. You can read more about us and our books at www.invisiblenomore.com
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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