Can Caring for Others Affect Depression?
Can Caring for Others Affect Depression – Dr. Drew – CNN
Can Caring for Others Affect Depression – Dr. Drew – CNN
Are you one of the 2.9 million grandparents in America who are raising their grandchildren? Although there are many good reasons to do this, it brings increased responsibility, stress and sacrifices that you probably didn’t anticipate for your “golden” years. Kin caregiving becomes necessary in families of all backgrounds and socioeconomic statuses and for many reasons, from military service to parental illness or death to child abuse or neglect. Census data reveal a significant increase in kin caregiving recently, probably due to the recession. When called to provide care, you may be relieved that the children can be safe with you, but now you have a lot to do. You’ll need to take care of getting the children enrolled in school, apply for financial and medical benefits, make sure they are seen by a pediatrician, perhaps arrange for counseling, consider pursuing custody or guardianship. The list goes on and on. So how do you do this and still find time for yourself? Many grandparents respond to the children’s needs first and try to take time for themselves later. Many never get to it — an understandable choice, but ultimately you need to take care of yourself to be able to do the best you can for your grandchildren. How Can You Cope? Becoming a kin caregiver evokes many emotions, from the joy of having your grandchildren with you to feeling angry and resentful about your adult child being absent or about your losing so much — your time, possibly your job, your independence, sleep, your financial security.
How can you cope?
• Staying healthy is important. Don’t miss your annual physical or ignore symptoms that are new for you. Fit in some exercise. Walking is a lot better than nothing.
• Have some fun. Stay in touch with friends. Do things you enjoy.
• Find reliable people to talk with — a trusted friend or family member, clergy or a counselor. Alternatively, join a support group where you can talk with others in similar situations and learn about services and resources for you and your family.
• When you feel overwhelmed and that you can’t possibly get everything done, make a list of things to do, decide what has to get done now and what can wait, and schedule when you will do them. Literally, put them on your calendar.
• Talk with your grandchildren about what you’re finding difficult. They may be having a tough time emotionally, but they also may be able to help more than you think.
All of this is easier said than done, and you can certainly expect that there will be times when you feel that you just can’t take it anymore. That’s par for the course when raising children. Sometimes it’s wonderful to be with the kids; sometimes it’s enough to make you furious or bring you to tears. But sometimes caregiving can overwhelm anyone. You may not be able to do the things that really have to get done or lose patience more than you used to. You may feel hopeless or helpless or lose pleasure in everyday life. You may have trouble sleeping, more than the usual physical aches and pains, or be drinking too much. You may be withdrawing from the friends and support you need. These are all signs that your coping is running short and when you need to recognize that you need to take care of yourself in order to care for your grandchildren. Raising grandchildren can be very satisfying, and it is always a challenge. Take care of your kids and take care of yourself. That’s the best caregiving of all.
This post was co-written with Deborah Langosch, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., the Project Director of the Kinship Care Program at the Center for Trauma Program Innovation at Jewish Board of Family and Children’s Services in New York City.
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NBC News
How Stress Strains Your Memory
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Happy Holidays?
(Or, Here’s Wishing the Grinch Would Just Steal Xmas Already)
BLOGGERS: Mary A. Langiurand, PhD & Robert F. Bornstein, PhD
Across America, real-life families will soon gather around festive holiday tables to enjoy gourmet feasts, basking in the comfort of warmth and plenty, giving thanks for the many gifts they have received this past year. It goes without saying that the greatest gift of all is the gift of family—those beloved, loving people who stick by us in good times and bad, give our lives meaning, make us happy and proud. Oh, people have their little differences, of course, but truly, at the end of the day family is what matters. That’s why we have holidays…
Most of our patients believe all of the above. They are also convinced that theirs is the most dysfunctional, annoying clan on the planet. The leaky ceiling over the less-than-Martha-Stewart-worthy table could be tolerated, as could the mismatched chairs and cramped quarters. Ditto the dry turkey, lumpy gravy, and assorted vegetable horrors cobbled together by committee. Thoughtless gifts—the toolkit for you (who can’t change a light bulb), or the brightly lit magnifying makeup mirror for your sister (who frets endlessly over her crow’s feet)…..those too could be borne with humor and grace. After all, it’ll be a good story for your friends. But the people! How in a just world could you possibly be related to them? Maybe you were mixed up with someone else at birth. Imagine a room filled with willfully annoying fools who just happen to have your entire history at their fingertips (complete with youthful mistakes, former passions, 70s disco-era photos, and other horrors), and whose notion of a good time is making fun of you.
Or perhaps you’re the hostess, opening the home you slaved to clean and decorate, watching your guests put sucked-on bone fragments into your centerpiece, smear your good napkins with indelible lipstick, and render your bathroom unusable. Maybe you got everybody to agree to détente for just one day, only to find that your cousin’s notion of truce is to choose today to come out of the closet to his fundamentalist parents and introduce his lover to everyone at your party. Or maybe you’re the one who couldn’t take one more minute of your brother’s yammering on about his great career and big raise and over-the-top vacation, so you chose today to remind him of how his success came at your expense. At the end of the day, the house is a shambles, and everybody’s in tears (except for Cousin Mildred, who’s locked in the bathroom). Surely nobody else has to deal with this, nobody…
Let’s get real.
To some degree, everybody deals with this, all the time. Real life isn’t perfect, and neither are families. Illness and death, poverty and disappointment, bad choices and worse luck happen. Further, most folks don’t accept these experiences with dignity and grace all the time, and tend to let down their guard when surrounded by people close to them. If you choose to see this as intolerable and unacceptable, you’re not going to enjoy the holidays. But if you choose to see it as an unpleasant but tolerable fact of life, you’ve got a chance of salvaging the season.
Remember that you have choices, and you are where you chose to be. If you’re thinking, “You don’t get it—I can’t just not go” you’re wrong. If you really, truly don’t want to deal with the dysfunction of a holiday meal, you can opt not to attend—it’s your call. There will be consequences; your decision will make some people angry and unhappy, and you will eventually have to address that with them. But if you feel strongly enough that this really isn’t something you want to do with your life and time, you don’t have to do it
If you choose to attend, you can also choose to engage or not to take the bait when the dysfunction fires up. You know these people well enough to predict their behavior, so figure out what’s likeliest to get to you, and then plan how you’d like to respond to defuse the situation. Practice the response in your mirror a few times, and when the zingers start, use your now-practiced skills. Change the subject, respond minimally, take a walk around the block, or just don’t respond. You probably won’t get it quite right at first, so keep practicing—you’ll get better at it over time. If you don’t feel able to develop these strategies on your own, seek professional help (no kidding). Therapists have pre-holiday rushes of new patients for good reasons.
If you really want peace, do not escalate a volatile situation artificially. Alcohol may make some situations more tolerable in the short term, but it will ultimately disinhibit behavioral controls. Ditto sleeplessness, too much noise, too little space, too much or too little heat. Don’t overdo, and avoid the obvious pitfalls. Take care of yourself. Spend at least some time with the people who really do make you happy, doing things you really do like to do. These might be ordinary water cooler moments rehashing the game, or coffee with a friend, far from the madding crowd.
And when it’s all done, don’t forget to get your share of leftovers to take home. These are, after all, the best part.
Robert Bornstein and Mary Languirand are the authors of When Someone You Love Needs Nursing Home, Assisted Living, or In Home Care, published by Newmarket Press. The second edition, revised and updated, was recently released. Here’s the link: http://www.newmarketpress.com/title.asp?id=901
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The Effects of Stress
BLOGGER: JULIE WEBSTER
STRESS AS A NATURAL OCCURRENCE
Our bodies are designed to handle variations from diet, exercise, stress and weight. It regularly produces assorted hormones for a period of time to take care of these situations. All this is a normal cycle for the body.
STRESS & HORMONES
The challenge is when that stressor continues for a prolonged period of time. This causes the body to overproduce hormones, thus stressing the entire system, breaking down cells, tissues, and organs.
When our body undergoes a stress, the adrenal glands produce adrenaline aka epinephrine. This hormone stimulates the heart muscle, alters the rate of blood flow, and raises basal metabolic rate. This is known as the fight or flight syndrome. Epinephrine also prompts the secretion of glucagon by the pancreas, causing the release of nutrients from storage. The steroid hormone cortisol is also produced. It enhances protein degradation, which raises amino acid levels in the blood so that they become available for conversion of glucose. The two other hormones induced by stress, aldosterone and antidiuretic hormone both help to maintain blood volume.[1]
Epinephrine does not stick around very long in the body however, when stress is prolonged, cortisol does. This hormone will affect the body in many detrimental ways. [2]Excess cortisol will:
Is cortisol related to abdominal obesity?
“Yes. There is a link between high cortisol levels and storage of body fat, particularly “visceral” abdominal body fat (also known as intra-abdominal fat). Visceral fat is stored deeper in the abdominal cavity and around the internal organs, whereas “regular” fat is stored below the skin (known as subcutaneous fat). Visceral fat is particularly unhealthy because it is a risk factor for heart disease and diabetes.”[4]
The challenge with cortisol and weight is this. First, when you are stressed you produce more cortisol which will lead to weight gain. When you are overweight the adrenal glands produce more cortisol so it is a viscous cycle.
ADDITIONAL AFFECTS FROM STRESS
Free radical production
THE NEGATIVE ROLE OF CERTAIN FOODS & DRINKS
Food can play an important role in both exacerbating the problem and relieving the problem.
The following list will cause the adrenal glands to produce adrenaline and cortisol. Over the long term this will eventually exhaust the adrenals:
THE ROLE OF HEALTHY FOODS
The following is a list of vitamins and minerals that will support the body during stressful times and therefore should be included in your daily meals:
WHAT YOUR DIET SHOULD INCLUDE
1. Salmon
2. Eggs
3. Lots of leafy and dark green vegetables
4. Night shade vegetables, if you can handle them
5. Almonds, cashews, filberts and sesame seeds
6. Beans and legumes
7. Citrus fruits and berries
OTHER THINGS TO LOOK AT TO REDUCE THE AFFECTS OF STRESS
EXERCISE
LAUGHTER
MEDITATION
YOGA[9]
BREATHING
The challenge is to not stress yourself out by trying to do all these things at once. Pick one, two, or at most three of the aforementioned benefits and start incorporating them into your life. As these become habit, start adding more.
To your health! Julie
Future articles will include more details about free radicals and paradoxical breathing. Sign up for our monthly newsletter which will keep you up to date when the newest articles come out. (We will never sell your name!)
[1] Understanding Normal and Clinical Nutrition, 7th Edition
[2] Hormone Balance, Scott Isaacs
[3] A reduced sensitivity to insulin in muscle, adipose, and liver cells, Understanding Normal and Clinical Nutrition, 7th Edition
[4] Tom Venuto is a certified personal trainer, natural bodybuilder and author of the #1 best selling diet e-book, “Burn the Fat, Feed The Muscle
[5] Healing with Whole Foods by Paul Pitchford
[6] Per Hormone Balance, by Scott Isaacs
[7] The research is entitled Cortisol and Catecholamine Stress Hormone Decrease Is Associated with the Behavior of Perceptual Anticipation of Mirthful Laughter. It was conducted by Lee Berk with Stanley A. Tan, both of the Oak Crest Health Research Institute, Loma Linda, CA; and Dottie Berk, Loma Linda University Health Care, Loma Linda.
[8] http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/10/071008193437.htm
[9] Yoga can reduce cortisol levels, a finding which was documented in the October 2004 issue of the journal, Annals of Behavioral Science.
[10] http://www.kundaliniyoga.org/pranayam.html
Julie Webster is a Certified Massage Therapist and Certified Health Counselor. She provides health education online and through seminars. In addition she has written a book titled “Regaining Good Posture” which is available as an ebook, with videos performing each of the stretches, through her website: www.julie-webster.com Julie is also available for presentations on posture and various health topics to corporations. To reach her visit her website or email her at info@julie-webster.com
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HOW TO MANAGE TIME: A LESSON FROM POKER
BLOGGER: BEN PIERSON
My brother has been a professional poker player since about 2002, when the dot-com tech magazine he worked for began going out of business. Aside from helping him avoid the grind of an 8-6 job (are there really 9-5s anymore?), poker has provided him the means to found a (now) successful literary arts magazine, Canteen (www.canteenmag.com). In addition to publishing unique pieces from well known writers, Canteen also runs an after school literary program up in Harlem in conjunction with StreetSquash.
My brother plays poker mostly on the internet, not over the table.* Unlike playing in Atlantic City, Las Vegas, or a card room in Brooklyn, being an internet player means that 24hrs a day, 7 days a week, you can simply turn on a computer and find tens of thousands of people to play against. This creates an interesting quandary. Aside from its addictive nature, poker starts creating a framework of economic cost for your life. e.g., If I go to bed now, the girlfriend will be happy and I’ll get three extra hours sleep; but those three hours will cost me an average of X dollars, and is that really worth it? The price of a movie is no longer $10, but $1,000 in economic cost. The extra value derived from the movie/happy girlfriend is nebulous compared to the more concrete value of electronic money in your poker account.
In recent years my brother has found a good middle ground for managing his time, controlling his work schedule instead of being controlled by it. I think this comes in part from the success he’s had over the years and in part from the extraordinary levels of stress that comes with the job. But getting to this more balanced point took a lot of work, a lot of missed movies and a lot of failures.
What are we 8-6ers supposed to do to manage our time – to accomplish that work/life balance?
I used to write 10-20 item to-do lists. The list would sit there and, weeks later, barely a dent would have been made. Life is stressful enough without this list serving as a constant reminder of things I had yet to do. This method was a huge mistake. In all facets of your life, don’t create a system which produces too much stress. If you do find you’re dealing with too much stress, change something. Please read the posts in “Healthy” by Robert Bornstein, starting with http://blog.imagineage.com/coping-with-stress-in-troubling-times/ . Dr. Bornstein is one of the leading Doctors in the field of stress and his advice – when followed even to a small extent – can lead to a better quality of life and longer life (not too shabby). The other posts are fantastic as well, so don’t be shy!
Now I write much shorter lists… maybe 2-3 items down. If I’m feeling frisky, I’ll even schedule times to do them. For example on Monday night I’ll put into my schedule:
–Tuesday at 10am, call the bank to order new checks
-12pm, order flowers for my mother’s birthday (and tell my brother it’s all set)
–2pm take a book to the gym and do 40 minutes of cardio (my therapist suggests scheduling an actual time for the gym, so I’m more prone to go; this has helped a lot).
–7pm, check http://blog.imagineage.com/ and read the latest posts
I’ve found that this way of writing shorter, more manageable lists has not only increased the rate at which I achieve these tasks, but significantly decreased the amount of stress associated with the whole process.
What are some of the tricks you use? While this method might work for me – for now – something completely different might work for you. Please share – I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Some suggestions I’ve received already:
Most importantly the theme to this should be finding a process that alleviates stress, not creates it. Also, you must take actionable steps. No need to overhaul everything right this second, but take some baby steps forward and the results should speak for themselves. What do you think?
*Ironically, my brother views his infrequent trips to Vegas as more of a vacation than anything else. You see, in Vegas he can only sit at one table and play one hand at a time. The dealer takes a while to shuffle and thus you’ll be playing perhaps 30-40 hands per hour. On the internet my brother can play at 3, 4, 5, 8 tables and with computer shuffling each table plays closer to 80 hands per hour. Thus sitting at home (or wherever in the world he may be) he can average 300 – 600 hands per hour instead of a paltry 40.
To find out more about Ben, click here to read his bio.
Stress and the Family System Post 9/11
BLOGGER: ROBERT F. BORNSTEIN
Shortly after 9/11 I got a phone call from a news organization. Because I study stress and its effects, they wanted to know how the terrorist attacks would affect families over the long term, and how these events might disrupt the rhythm of our lives. I said that I thought the attacks would have a negative impact on many families–even those living far from New York, DC, and Pennsylvania–leading to increases in substance abuse, domestic violence, and emergency room visits.
A year or so later the news organization called again. I had been right, and they wanted to talk about why. Beginning in late 2001 and continuing through much of 2002, domestic violence rates spiked nationwide. So did substance abuse, ER visits, and (believe it or not) car accidents–including minor fender-benders.
What changed following 9/11? Why were people so disrupted?
Part of the impact was external: It came from the uncertainty that resulted from the attacks, uncertainty stoked by the constant reminders that not matter what we did, we remained vulnerable. (Remember those check points, endless airport security lines, and jarring threat-level announcements every evening on the news?)
Some of the impact came not from without, but from within–from the impact of 9/11 on family dynamics and interactions.
Families are like interconnected, interlocking systems, with each part of the system–each person–playing a role. Over time families develop a kind of equilibrium, as people carve out their niche within the group, and everyone settles into their prescribed role. One child might be the “good son”, or “good daughter”; another child takes on the role of troublemaker. Mom might be the family organizer and rule-maker; Dad’s role becomes that of “fun parent”.
It’s not a perfect dynamic, but it works: We humans prefer predictability over uncertainty, and even if the system has its flaws (what family doesn’t), at least we know how we fit in, how others will behave, and–most important–what’s expected of us.
And therein lies the answer: Over the long term, many of the lasting negative effects of 9/11 came from disruptions in the family system, as people were forced to modify their well-practiced roles in response to a changing world. Disrupted roles destabilized some fragile relationships; the result was an increase in domestic violence. Everyday tasks that we used to complete without thinking became more effortful; we were distracted now, so car accidents increased. And as always, some people coped with stress and uncertainty by overusing alcohol or drugs–“self-medicating” is the formal term. The result: Increased substance abuse.
As I wrote in a previous ImagineAge blog, stress isn’t something that happens to us, it’s something that happens within us. And 9/11 proved this yet again.
Let me offer another prediction–and not a happy one: These increases in substance use and domestic violence….they’re going to happen again. This time it won’t be in response to terrorist attacks, but in reaction to economic stress and uncertainty.
Knowing these things are likely to occur doesn’t stop them from happening, but it does allow us to plan more effectively. If you feel that you (or your family) may be stressed beyond their limits, take action. Seek help from a professional therapist (as Mark Hilsenroth’s recent blog describes so well), and take steps to gain control of your finances–make reasoned (not panicked) decisions. Ben Pierson’s blogs will be very helpful here.
And a year from now we’ll look back and see what happened.
What are your thoughts?
To find out about Dr. Bornstein, click here to read his bio.
Coping with Stress in Troubling Times
BLOGGER: ROBERT BORNSTEIN
I teach at a University–in many ways a dream job–and now I’m on break. Classes don’t start until next week. You’d think I’d be relaxed, right? No students, no meetings, no worries. So why am I here in the office at 6AM? Trust me–relaxed is what I’m not. The thing is, break or not, deadlines loom. Emails pour in. There are syllabi to be made.
Stress.
Apparently I’m not alone: It seems everyone I talk to lately is stressed as well. The economy, the housing market–just turn on the evening news. We can’t avoid stress…it’s a part of life. But over the years I’ve found some ways to cope that work for me, and they might work for you too.
The place to start is to understand stress–to know what it is, and just as important, what it isn’t.
Everyone experiences stress–that uncomfortable, pressured feeling you get when overwhelmed by life’s challenges. Studies indicate that almost every one of us reports feeling stressed at one time or another, and nearly 60% of American adults say stress has had a negative impact on their life. We’re all vulnerable.
We know when we’re stressed–we can feel it–but what exactly is stress, and how does it affect us? How does stress impact mind and body?
First it’s important to recognize that stress doesn’t happen to us, it happens within us: It is the body’s attempt to cope with a challenge–the body’s way of mobilizing to confront a threat. Back in high school you probably remember your bio teacher telling you about the “fight or flight” response…nature’s way of gearing us up for action. That’s what stress is–the old fight or flight response. When this response happens once, or a few times, it’s no problem. The problem comes when you experience stress too frequently. Too many fight or flight responses in succession wear you down, deplete your body’s resources, sap your energy, and lower your mood and motivation.
Here’s why: each time you mobilize to confront a threat, your sympathetic nervous system–the part of your nervous system that activates you for action–kicks into high gear. Your pupils dilate and your heart begins to race. You sweat a bit–your palms get moist. Blood flows to your brain so you can make quick decisions. You’re ready to rumble.
Keep in mind–and here’s the problem–the stress response is nature’s way of helping you confront an intruder or run from a tiger, but now, eons later, the same response occurs when you miss the bus, lose your keys, or manage to jam the copier at work. This same fight or flight response occurs when your 401K takes a tumble. But in these situations there’s nothing to do: no fighting, no running. So your body is stuck…you just have to let the situation pass, wait for your heart to stop racing, and try to get back to your routine.
Easier said than done. Those repeated stress reactions sap the body’s energy–you literally wear yourself out. They cause the body to release hormones that can lead to depression. And over time these stress hormones interfere with your immune system–they cause white blood cells to fight off infections less well. No wonder we get sick during high-stress times: it’s not just your imagination, it really does happen.
So stress is not something to be taken lightly, but it’s a topic that researchers have focused on quite a bit in recent years, so we have a good sense now of what works–and what doesn’t. Four strategies are particularly helpful when stress begins to wear you down.
How to choose among these strategies? The good news is you don’t have to: research indicates they can be used in combination and when you use them this way their benefits are even greater. So choose the strategies that seem right for you given the challenges you face and your particular style of coping…you know yourself best. If exercise is helpful, and clears your mind of troubling thoughts, terrific–you’re all set. If you’re more of a people person then social support and the opportunity to share the burden might be the way to go.
Whatever strategies you choose, be flexible–if something’s not working, try another approach. And remember, managing stress is a process–it takes time, and it’s never really complete. New challenges confront us every day–that’s life–so you’ll always be findings new ways to cope, and new ways to turn life’s challenges into opportunities for growth and positive change.
Now it’s time for me to get back to work. There are syllabi to be made…
To find out more about Dr. Bornstein, click here to read his bio.
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