Sex and the Sixty: The Date
Blogger: Renee Fisher
Before reading, if you haven’t read the first three blogs in the series, you can click the links below:
Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match
Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop
When my friend Susan goes on actual dates, she does exactly the same things that most people do. She goes out to dinner. She goes to the movies. She goes to female impersonator shows. But somehow, the end result always seems to veer off course.
Sometimes, she and the guy never even make it to the actual date. On one occasion, she and her date planned a picnic. They would meet in the parking lot near the picnic area. They had decided that they would each bring food. Susan was to bring the wine; her date was to bring an assortment of cheeses and crackers. A romantic first date was anticipated by Susan. Subsequent events would make her less optimistic. Her date was late, and then, when he finally arrived, she watched him circle the parking lot for about five minutes before he finally parked the car.
When he did finally did pull into a parking space and Susan came over to his car, she asked him if there was a problem. He said there was no problem, but he immediately complained about the day being so warm and his wanting a soda during the drive and stopping at a 7-11 to get one, but not being willing to spend $1.50. Susan then told him that she had wanted to call him to see why he was late, but she didn’t have his cell number. He told her he didn’t own a cell phone because they were too expensive.
They then walked to what Susan described as “the edge a cliff” (Susan doesn’t get into parks very often). Susan carried a bottle of wine and two glasses. She noticed that her date didn’t seem to be carrying anything.
By now, she was adding up all the negatives of the situation and deciding that she really just wanted to go home. She told him she wasn’t feeling well, and decided to pass on the “picnic.” Her date expressed concern and asked her if she wanted to just go back to his car, sit and eat the crackers and two slices of Velveeta that were in his pocket. Susan told him she was allergic to Velveeta and left. She took the bottle of wine home with her and consumed a fair amount of it that evening.
Another favorite of mine (I’m not sure why Susan doesn’t find quite the humor in it that I do), is one that I referred to briefly in a previous column. I will now divulge all the details. Susan and a man planned a movie date at a theater that was located in a shopping mall. By the time they arrived, the theater was packed, and they couldn’t find seats together. Her date rearranged the entire audience by telling them he was going to propose to her and they had to sit together. One of the people who was forced out of her seat was an elderly woman with a walker. She ended up being moved to the first row, and being separated from her companion, all in the name of “love.”
Susan was mortified, but she said nothing. The movie began and after about 30 minutes, Susan’s date announced that he was going to get popcorn. He then disappeared for an hour. Susan considered the possibilities and decided that one of two things had occurred. Either he had a heart attack and the EMT had taken him away, not knowing that he had a date still sitting in the movie. The other possibility was that the elderly woman in the front row had beaten him senseless with her walker.
It turned out that neither of these had occurred. Her date finally returned, loaded with packages. He said he had gone shopping because he didn’t like the movie. He especially needed a new pair of shoes, and luckily, he found a store that had the perfect ones. He then proceeded to dig into his shopping bag to show her. Susan was so stunned, she didn’t say a word. When the movie ended, she walked to the front of the theater to try to find the elderly woman and ask her if she could borrow her walker for a moment. But the woman had already left.
I will explore more of Susan’s antics in subsequent postings. Luckily for you and me, if not for Susan, there seems to be a never-ending supply.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Posted 3 months, 2 weeks ago at 12:08. 2 comments
Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
Before reading, if you haven’t read the first three blogs in the series, you can click the links below:
Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match
When Susan agreed to my rules about coffee only/60 minute maximum, she decided it would be a good idea to knock out (well, not literally) as many men as possible on a daily basis, and thus began setting up two coffee dates per weekend day, one per hour. The venue was a local bagel bakery in a crowded suburb of DC.
On one especially lucrative day, Susan managed to schedule three men, back-to-back. She set up a 10:00 a.m. date, went in, got a cup of coffee, sat innocently at the table in a bright chartreuse shirt (easily identifiable so that no man would ever mistake another woman for her), and waited for her date. Enter Date #1. He found her, they chatted. After approximately 50 minutes, she walked him out the door, said good-bye in the parking lot and then headed back into the bagel place.
She then touched up her lipstick, rid herself of the cup of coffee, and checked to make sure her mascara was still in place. I’m not sure why Susan felt that the act of drinking coffee would damage her mascara, unless the coffee were so hot as to make her make up evaporate, in which case, it would also have been suitable material for a lawsuit.
She then procured another cup of coffee and waited for her next victim (oops, date). Date #2 entered, and he and Susan went through the same scenario. In 45-50 minutes, Date #2 was out the door. For her third date, Susan re-entered the bagel bakery, and she was handed her third cup of coffee. As she walked away from the counter to pay for it, she overheard one of the cashiers whisper to another cashier “Ah, here comes the Bagel Hooker again.”
I can relate to this. For a couple years before I started dating my second husband, I met all of my internet dates at a diner that was directly across the street from my office. That way, I could, at whatever moment I desired, announce, “Wow, gotta get back to the office!” Unlike Susan, I didn’t schedule dates back-to-back. But Susan has always been much more efficient than I was about men.
Unlike a coffee or bagel shop, this diner had a hostess who would seat people. Each week I had one or two meetings with men. Each time I would say to the hostess, “I’m meeting a man here but I don’t know exactly what he looks like.” Then, after an hour, we would leave together. After several weeks, I noticed that whenever I came into the diner, the employees would stop what they were doing, watch me, and shake their heads knowingly.
Then one morning, I met my friend Crazy Debbie for breakfast at the diner. Debbie is nothing if not memorable. It was a weekend morning, and the diner was very crowded. I arrived first and got a booth at the far end of the room. About ten minutes later, Debbie swept into the diner wearing a nightgown, fur boots, and a tiara. She had a purple oval painted on her forehead. When the hostess asked if she could help her, Debbie replied in a very loud voice, “I’m meeting my lover here!” scanned the room, located me, pointed in my direction and announced, “And there she is!”
From that moment on, I morphed from a mere call girl into a genuine celebrity in the eyes of the diner staff.
I think I’ve covered all bases now leading up to relating the actual live meetings between Susan and Her Men. That, depending on how long this friendship lasts at this point, will await that time until either Susan accumulates more stories or until she remembers the ones that were so traumatic that she has temporarily blocked them from her memory.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Posted 3 months, 4 weeks ago at 12:08. Add a comment
Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
If you haven’t read the first two blogs in the series, you can click the links below:
Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
After my friend Susan is contacted by men on various computer dating sites, and, after she continues to communicate with them via personal email and phone calls, she is able to eliminate most of them as not a good match for her. “Not a good match” may mean various things: One of the categories of “not-a-good-match” men include those who send her photos of their genitals. Susan assures me that this has happened on more than one occasion. I didn’t ask her if they were Glamour Shots or just candid. A second category that I have mentioned before are those who have yet to master the art of “spell check” on the computer. Here’s the most recent example, caps included:
YEP YOU ARE A LIVE WITH THE CHEESE AND CRACKERS YOU NEE WINE AND I WORK FOR A IMPORTER OF FINE FRENCH ARGENTINA AND SPANISH WINE I BE A GREAT PERSON TO GET TO KNOW
Another category includes men who have small children/pets/ex-wives (note: The children are small, but the pets and ex-wives can be any size) who take up most of their time. One man told Susan he had to go to his ex-wife’s house on a regular basis to mow the lawn. Unless he was destitute and worked out handyman/lawn services with the judge as a substitute for financial support, I’m thinking maybe he wasn’t quite ready to move on. Another had to end all dates by 8PM so he could go home and take care of his dog. About the only women he could develop a relationship with would be the ones who worked the night shift. A fourth category includes men who have other considerations that should preclude them from entering the dating world (or any other world, for that matter). One man told Susan he had no teeth and said that his son told him it might be a good idea to wait until he had his dentures before venturing out into the dating scene. Another man told Susan he was separated, and, when she asked him further, he revealed that “separated” meant that he was living in DC during the week and going home on weekends but had neglected to tell his wife that he considered himself “separated during his week in DC”) and then he couldn’t understand why Susan didn’t want to date someone who could have him all to herself all week long. If a man isn’t eliminated by any of the above circumstances, Susan usually agrees to meet him for coffee. She used to meet men for dinner, but I got really tired of hearing about four hour meetings, since the length of time usually had nothing to do with the quality of the date or the intention of either Susan or the man in question to ever get together again. The length of the meeting had more to do with Susan’s uncanny ability to have an hours- long conversation with anybody, including, in a pinch, inanimate objects. Because of this, I set ground rules for her: one hour at Starbucks or another place that serves coffee. Not a minute longer. Susan agreed, but she still came up with really creative ways to foil my best efforts. In the next episode, we will explore some of these.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Posted 4 months, 1 week ago at 12:08. 2 comments
Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
Click here to read the first blog in the Sex in the Sixty Series – Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
For those skeptics who might be thinking that my friend Susan’s poor results are because she hasn’t put enough of an effort into online dating, rest assured that she has been on most internet dating sites since the very first one (CaveMatch.com). She has only excluded the ones that will result in the FBI confiscating her computer. Both eHarmony and chemistry.com have now told her they can do nothing more for her unless she “expands her search area.” For Susan, this would mean either searching for men who are younger than her son, older than a Civil War veteran, or who are currently incarcerated.
After Susan is initially contacted by men on the various sites, she usually emails back and forth with them, using her personal email. Sometimes a phone call or two is part of the scenario.
One man told her he lived on a boat and wrote a long email explaining that he lived with a gorgeous 18 year old Dane. Susan assumed he was talking about a dog. He wasn’t. Another man spent a lot of time writing to her about his fishing trip. About the only fishing trip that ever held my attention for any length of time was the one in “Deliverance,” and this man’s email was longer than the “Deliverance” screenplay.
Susan sends me some of the emails that she gets. These are mostly from men who don’t have spell check on their computers:
“…let,s see,are there really any woman out there that are looking for true love, or are you all stell way to picky…”
“…she be my best friend, loving, caring, faithfull, understanding,be d/d free, clean about her self…”
“…i,m a BIG redskins fan, and have been sents 1969…”
One man, who seemed like a good prospect and who had a fair command of the English language, was very anxious to meet her in person. A coffee date was arranged for the following weekend, and each day, he would tell Susan how he couldn’t wait for their meeting. Then, a couple days before the weekend, he sent an email saying,
“I think it would be best if I canceled this Sunday…On Tuesday this week – it seems like a month ago – I met someone else online. We’ve yet to meet in person…but we spoke on the phone for an hour and a half – till her battery went dead….I’m amazed at how far, and how fast things have progressed. Maybe we’ve each found the person we’re both looking for…the degree of emotional closeness has developed very fast. Besides, I’m not good at trying to date two women at the same time. So, I sincerely wish you the best. I continued talking to you about meeting because there was a certain momentum there. I really was eager to meet you in person.”
I asked Susan what the “momentum” was all about and why she thought his momentum with the other woman trumped hers. All Susan could think of was that the other woman’s momentum was larger than hers.
Susan still has a lot of emails to sift through (something like 29 at last count), and I’ll be curious to see what she comes up with. I’ve suggested some ground rules for her when she meets guys, like only meeting for coffee and limiting the meeting to one hour. I figured that would minimize the damage. As we’ll see in the next posting, I was wrong. Very,very wrong.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Posted 4 months, 2 weeks ago at 12:08. Add a comment
Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating
BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER
My friend Susan has had such a long, varied and rocky career as a dating single, that I, as one of her closest and dearest friends, listen to her tragic stories, and, as the caring, compassionate person I am, laugh myself sick.
It’s tough not to. Susan seems to attract a lot of really interesting and unique men. Some of them have “handles” that conjure up visions that make me a bit queasy:
pistolhead
riding cowboy
katlicker
dixiekraut
pistolpete
swabjock
Now for the actual words:
“I’m 62 but still active…”
Is he saying he is still sexually active or that he still has the ability to get out of bed in the morning?
“I haven’t been with a woman in eight years.”
If someone wrote that to me, I would immediately consult an attorney to find out which criminal offenses would result in an eight year prison term.
“Do ya judge the book by the appearance of the cover, or do ya open the cover to find out if the table of contents captures and peaks your interest enough to read more?”
Actually, I like to scan the index first, then check out the footnotes. Sometimes, I read the jacket, but other times I flip right to the author’s biography at the end…
This one is from “Looking For Busty”: “I am an older, independent, very safe, straight man in good shape and I like very much the younger woman who is busty, local and in very good shape for extra-curricular activities.”
Hey LFB, there are about 10,000 other guys waiting in line for her also. Good luck.
“I am looking for one woman, not two or more…”
I’m wondering about a person who has to clarify this. Has he had negative experiences with trying to find a soul mate and instead being tricked into having group sex?
“I am a very outgoing person and I always see the glass as half full. I’ve been told that I have a very humorist personality.”
This is also called the “Will Rogers Syndrome.”
“I’d like to volunteer this; I look and act a lot younger than I actually am.”
I’d like to volunteer this: 95% of people over the age of 45 would probably write exactly the same thing about themselves. The other 5% would use capital letters when they write the words “a lot.”
A recent poem Susan received had these lines hidden among all the others that professed undying love:
“When someone is willing to do without,
So your life is complete”
This would stop me in my tracks. This guy is either Bernie Madoff writing from his North Carolina jail cell or a man looking for someone to donate a kidney.
Susan was really excited when I told her I would write columns about her attempts at internet dating.
“You can be my blind author!” she exclaimed.
“I think you meant ‘ghost writer’,” I said.
Oh boy, are we going to have fun with this one.
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Posted 4 months, 3 weeks ago at 12:08. 1 comment
SEVEN MYTHS ABOUT WOMEN OVER FIFTY
BLOGGERS: Renee Fisher, Joyce Kramer, and Jean Peelen
We three women over fifty decided some years ago to change the conversation about aging and dispel myths about women over fifty. These myths may have had validity when none of us humans lived much past age fifty or sixty. Remember our grandmothers? They looked old at forty. They wore housedresses and sturdy shoes. Their lives were all about raising their children, and when that was done it seemed that at least in society’s eyes, their lives were done.
Today we women over fifty have changed considerably. Our average life span is eighty-plus years. We are out in the world, making art, saving villages, improving our communities, keeping up with runway fashions, and living our lives. Yet somehow, myths remain. Here are the ones we keep encountering.
1. Women over fifty don’t care what they look like.
Since two out of the three of us are planning to have our next round of cosmetic surgery, we take exception to this. We now remember with fondness that construction workers used to give us wolf-whistles. We thought it obnoxious then. We miss it now. Women like us drag ourselves to the gym, where we get to compete with twenty-somethings for parking spaces and treadmills. We take Yoga and Pilates, go on diets, run marathons, go on diets, dye our hair, go on diets, get contact lenses, go on diets. We care. A lot.
2. Women over fifty don’t like sex.
Since one of the three of us is married, this is a touchy subject. The answer is, just let a healthy, willing, attractive male show up in our vicinity and we will be ready. Or, if even two out of three of those categories show up, we will be ready. Actually, “willing” might make up for any other shortfalls, depending on how long it’s been. And just think, since we can’t get pregnant, we can just zip past the pregnancy prevention shelf at the drug store.
3. Women over fifty find menopause terrible and debilitating.
YES! Menopause is TERRIBLE and DEBILITATING. It ruins our lives. It is the worst thing that has ever been invented in the history of the universe. It is worse than diet ice cream. OK, now that we have acknowledged that, can we please move on? The fact is that two of us didn’t even notice menopause, except that we could also zip right past the sanitary products shelf too. So, menopause exists and we’ll have it for awhile, and then we’ll get over it.
4. Women over fifty can’t keep up with the times.
Interesting, since women over fifty are the fastest growing group on Facebook. We three have six computers among us. We have and use PDAs, GPSs, and iPods. We have almost outgrown email, and are Facebooking and twittering. And let’s face it: Without us, a lot of the Help Lines would go out of business. We may have grown up in the Stone Age, but we have managed to survive into the computer age.
5. Women over fifty miss our children and only want to be with our grandchildren.
We love and adore our children. We love and adore our grandchildren. That’s the only acceptable answer, isn’t it, since this will be in print? We love them the most when they don’t ask us to baby sit too much. But seriously, we can love them and still want a life. That’s the bottom line.
6. Women over fifty fear change.
That’s really funny, since virtually everything about us is changing. Body parts are moving to different locations or vacating entirely. Hair is now appearing in places it never was and disappearing from places it used to be. We could go on and on. So, we say we don’t fear change. We are, and have been, the movers and shakers of our lives. Go to any art class and see who is involved in creative pursuit. Go to yoga or meditation classes to see the same. Look at the women starting new careers, or the ones running for office. Check out writing classes, art appreciation classes, cooking classes. Look at who is doing work in developing countries, starting foundations, traveling the world, raising money for causes, marching for causes. Change? Bring it on! We are well-practiced, and good at it.
7. Women over fifty are counting the days until retirement.
We agree with this statement. No matter how much we love our careers, we are chomping at the bit to have the time to travel, to explore, to start new businesses, to enroll in college, to volunteer, to write books, to inspire our daughters’ and granddaughters’ generations with the unlimited possibility we have. We can’t wait to retire so we can see what’s next. We have lived only the first half of our lives and are anxious to see what we will create in the second half.
So, let us bury the useless, outworn myths along with all other outmoded notions of who we women are and what we are up to in our lives. We are here. We’re living, laughing, loving, and planning to be so for the next fifty years.
All of these myths and more are dispelled in our new book Saving the Best for Last: Creating Our Lives After 50. You can read more about us and our books at www.invisiblenomore.com
Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.
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Posted 5 months, 3 weeks ago at 12:08. 3 comments
Grouchy Gals: The Problem of Unwanted Sex
BLOGGER: LAWRENCE JOSEPHS, PHD
In a previous blog, we discussed why some women might feel sexually frustrated in long-term relationships and might be tempted to cheat or find a more sexually desirable partner as a permanent replacement for her current partner. Not getting enough high quality sex and romance in a long-term relationship makes some women grouchy. But some women suffer an opposite problem. Some men have a much higher sex drive than their girlfriends and wives and are constantly looking for and pressuring their girlfriends and wives to relieve their sexual tensions. It is not always particular romantic as some men just want to get a “quickie” to be sexually serviced in a rather impersonal way by their partners just to relieve sexual tension. When men are single, they usually rely on masturbation to relieve their sexual tensions because most single men can’t find enough women with whom to have casual sex to relieve themselves. Some men to keep their sexual tensions down feel a need to have daily orgasm or orgasms ever other day. If they aren’t having orgasms at the frequency that they feel they require they feel consumed by the mounting sexual tension. They become obsessed with sexual thoughts and fantasies and can’t focus on other things, like their work, until they can obtain relief.
When men enter a long-term monogamous relationship, they often hope and assume that the days of having to relieve themselves through masturbation are finally behind them as now they will have a sexually indulgent partner who will relieve them on demand at whatever frequency they need. Especially if the relationship starts off as an intense whirlwind romance, their fantasy seems to come true. When a couple is caught up in an intense romantic infatuation, they can’t wait until that moment when they can rip each others clothes off and have wild crazy sex. But unfortunately once the honeymoon phase is over the frequency of sexual relationships begins to decline and tensions arise when one partner seems to be a lot more interested in sex than the other partner. When men want more sex than their girlfriends or wives, men tend to turn into whiney, petulant little boys who just keep pestering their partners for sex until they get it. Obviously, this is a huge turn off for most women. Yet women are caught in a double bind. On the one hand, they are not in the mood for sex and feel resentful to be pressured to have sex when they are not in the mood, especially when they are being propositioned in such an exceptionally off putting way. Yet on the other hand, women may feel sorry for their sexually frustrated partners, feel it is their duty to keep their partners sexually satisfied, and may be tempted to sexually service their partners just to shut them up and stop their annoyingly incessant pestering. What is a woman to do: Resentfully have unwanted sex just to relieve guilt and pestering or decline to have sex and force her partner to deal with his sexual frustrations on his own (i.e. sexual abstinence, masturbation, or some sort of infidelity).
It would seem that few men are capable of exercising sexual abstinence in the marriage in which they patiently wait to have sex until their female partners are in the mood to have sex. Men may to some degree “save it up” until their girlfriends or wives are finally in the mood for a romantic tryst. Yet most men seem to have great difficulty with delay of sexual gratification and do not handle sexual frustration very well. Especially, if they are still very attracted to their wives, it’s a huge tease to sleep every night with a beautiful and sexy woman and see her walk around naked and not to be able to have sex with her just because she isn’t in the mood. As a consequence, most men masturbate to relieve themselves, just like when they were single guys, to relieve sexual tension, but to some extent resent their partners for not being available for sex on demand. Naturally, women resent this state of affairs. It doesn’t seem fair that women should be resented for not having sex when they aren’t in the mood, but unhappily that seems to be the case. And unfortunately, the most resentful men will probably look outside of the marriage for sexual relief.
Ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer about how to deal with this issue. Even women who don’t mind sexually servicing their husbands on a regular basis often find that it is never enough. If a man needs to have his daily orgasm, there are few women who after years of marriage, with a full time job, and a bunch of kids is going to have the time, energy, or inclination to service her husband on a daily basis. It’s just not going to happen. So my advice is for husbands to have more compassion for the no-win situation in which their girlfriends or wives find themselves. You can’t blame them if their sexual drive is just not as strong as yours, if they aren’t as interested in impersonal sex as you are, and that they often just don’t have the energy to service you even if in general they don’t really mind doing you a favor, especially if you orgasm really quickly to save them time and energy. If you are not capable of sexual abstinence to save it for when your partner is in the mood, you might have to relieve yourself through masturbation just like when you were single. So don’t take it so personally as though it’s some big sexual rejection, if your partner is not inclined to sexually service you on demand and don’t hold it against her either. In the end, you will have a much better long-term relationship and your grouchy gal won’t be quite so grouchy if you stop pestering her to have unwanted sex with you when she isn’t in the mood.
Click here to find out more about Dr. Josephs on the About Us Page.
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Posted 9 months ago at 12:08. 1 comment
Grouchy Gals: How Men Let Women Down
BLOGGER: LAWRENCE JOSEPHS, PHD
We all know what men think of an angry woman. For most men an angry woman is a “bitch.” Of course, it’s not fair that an angry man is often construed as an assertive man who has self-respect because he stands up for himself. An angry woman is just seen as a scolding shrew, not a particularly attractive or feminine trait. It’s just one more double standard that women are subjected to. What men never ask themselves is why are women so angry at men and if just perhaps men may have done something to provoke women’s anger. Men just assume that an angry woman is a crazy woman who is irrational. It doesn’t occur to most men that they have anything to do with it, that perhaps men drive women crazy by their actions.
I’m going to do something that no self-respecting man is supposed to do, to break the “bro’ code” (i.e. the secret fraternal code of conduct that is not to be admitted to women). The “bro’ code” are the secret stratagems that men use to have their way with women, be it to get laid, to get a woman to fall in love with him, or to keep a married woman subservient. Basically, men intuit what women are looking for in a romantic partner. The basic strategy is to seduce women by pretending to be what they want you to be and once they are hooked just do whatever the hell you want, whether they like it or not, because men believe that once women become attached to them they can exploit that emotional dependency to get their way. Men assume that women are too frightened of abandonment, of replacement, and of being on their own to ever kick them out and find someone better.
What do women want in a man, nothing particularly exotic, just a reasonably handsome, healthy guy who will be loving, devoted, and caring husband and father as well as a reasonable provider. And guys know it helps a lot if you look at a woman adoringly as though she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. So you just keep up the act until a woman is hooked and then presumably you have got her over a barrel and can have your way with her. That’s why women are angry, that men seduce them with false pretenses and then disappointment them one way or another by not living up to their advance billing. It’s not that women don’t play the same game with men but that’s another story for another blog. Once women really that they have been hookwinked and bamboozled by the men they love they are pretty “pissed off,” to put it mildly.
What are the common sorts of promises men make and break, the expectations they set up and then disappoint? Men seem to be looking for a relationship but then they just want casual sex as they turn out to be a love them and leave them kind of guy? Men seem to want to long-term monogamous relationship but they really want a mother for their children while they entertain mistresses on the side? A man might seem like a kind, good natured, and considerate gentleman but turns out to be a crude, vulgar, and grouchy guy who likes to burp and fart to his heart’s content. A man might seem like a real go getter who will be a great provider but then he gambles away the family’s financial security by going deep into debt to salvage a failing business? A man might seem easy going and flexible but turns out to be stubborn and belligerent instead. The list goes on and on of men seeming to be one way during the courtship stage of relationship and then turning out to be another way once the honeymoon is over and they are no longer on their best behavior. This is why women can turn into grouchy gals or depressed dreamers who yearn for something a bit more romantic.
My advice now is really more for men than for women. If men are living with a grouchy gal and don’t like living with someone they perceive as “bitchy,” now you know why. You seduced her on false pretenses during the courtship stage and now you are not living up to expectations. If you can see that and feel at least a little compassion for her predicament and would like to live with a less irritable spouse, this is what you have got to do:
1) You don’t have to live up to your advanced billing because that’s not you. Face it, you are a big disappointment as a husband and there is nothing you can do about it. You’re really not as nice a person as you thought you were. Maybe you are a bit of loser so just suck it up and take it like a man. Don’t dump your frustrations on your wife.
2) Given that your wife puts up with you at all, no matter how resentfully, you should be thankful that she doesn’t throw you out on your aging butt. Despite women’s fears of being alone, women actually do much better on their own than men do. Men can’t really take care of themselves no matter how self-sufficient and independent they pretend to be.
3) Don’t take her bitchiness so personally, she has to let off steam given that you are really just a big baby that she is stuck taking care of, especially once you become an old fart who will probably die almost a decade before she does and need a lot of draining custodial care. It’s really no big deal to be a bit more accepting and tolerant of the fact that sometimes your wife is totally disgusted with you and looks at you with contempt. Show a little gratitude that she puts up with your crap because really living with you is no picnic.
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Posted 10 months ago at 12:08. 4 comments
