CNN’s Kyra Phillips reports on how women returning from war zones are dealing with post traumatic stress disorder.
Information and Conversation for my Generation
via Home Page.
DHeiser shared how she originally wanted to be a nun, but over time she decided the social science field was the best fit for her. Her children Liam and Aiden also weigh in on what their dream jobs are.
- Asiegel1202, CNN iReport producer
iReport —
A few years ago I came across a worksheet I’d completed in early elementary school – probably first grade. One of the questions asked was “what do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer was “a nun”.
Things didn’t work out exactly as I planned. I didn’t become a nun after all. Instead, I got a PhD in Applied Developmental Psychology and have worked in the field of research for many years.
When I asked my 2 boys a couple of years ago, when they were 3 and 4, what they want to be when they grow up, my older son said “ a doctor who takes care of older people”. He received a lot of praise, which fueled this goal (until this year when he turned 6 and decided to tweak his goal and become a doctor who takes care of bugs). We now have a slew of ants, beetles and caterpillars in plastic containers being “cured” of their ailments.
My younger son told everyone he also wants to be a doctor. Apparently he loved basking in the praise too. However, one day he confided to me that he in fact wants to be a Jungle Man. He didn’t want me to tell anyone because he was afraid they would think it was funny. So, he and I talked all about his becoming a Jungle Man, and during the course of our conversations, he wrote a book about it. You can find it on http://whenigrowupiwanttoliveinthejungle.wordpress.com/about/
I’m looking forward to seeing what they do when they grow up.
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July 30, 2010
George Steinbrenner’s Split Personality: A Psychological Analysis
BLOGGER: JOEL WEINBERGER, PHD
As anyone who is even remotely interested in sports knows, George Steinbrenner, larger than life owner of the New York Yankees, has passed away at age 80. We are inundated with interviews of those who knew him, specials on his network YES, major newspaper articles, and even commentaries on news and talk shows. His appeal has reached well beyond the world of sports. One theme that keeps appearing is what everyone refers to as a contradiction in his personality. Mr. Steinbrenner was famously tough, impulsive, and bombastic. He would fire employees at a whim, berate them, come close to harassing them with phone calls at all hours of the day and night, demand perfection, and ruled by fear. At the same time, he was involved in many charitable causes, would help out those he had cruelly fired, and remain interested in the lives of his ex-employees. So the question became, how could he be this cruel unfeeling person and, at the same time, this caring philanthropic person. He was a walking contradiction.
This so-called paradox is more apparent than real. The same personality characteristics that led to his angry, firing behavior led to his kindly, charitable acts. In fact, Mr. Steinbrenner was completely consistent in his behavior. Before I go on, let me state my biases up front. I am a rabid Yankee fan and I loved reading about Mr. Steinbrenner. I am absorbed in watching these tributes to him and would have loved to thank him personally for bringing the Yankees back to greatness. My bottom line feeling towards him is a very positive one. I also never did meet him so this is all based on known psychological principles but not on any personal knowledge of the man.
There are three characteristics that probably explain Mr. Steinbrenner’s apparently inconsistent behavior. First, he was a passionately emotional person. Although highly intelligent and even calculating, he was often ruled by his emotions and easily emotionally aroused. Emotions came before reason for this man. Second, he was impulsive. He was a man of action and often acted without reflection. That means his actions were often emotionally based. Third, he was The Boss. He needed to be in charge and he was in charge. There was a paternalistic aspect to this. He could be a caring or an unforgiving father but he was always the father. That means the other person was always a subordinate, a son or a daughter. Now let’s put this together.
As do all of us, Mr. Steinbrenner experienced a myriad of emotions that changed powerfully over time, sometimes over short periods of time. We all love and hate the important people in our lives at different times, sometimes at the same time. Unlike many of us, he was very comfortable having these emotions so that he did not question or deny them. They ruled to the point that his behavior was often more driven by these emotions than by his rational reason. Although this is generally true of people it was especially so for Mr. Steinbrenner. He didn’t have the filters that most of us develop to consider what we should do when a thought occurs to us or an impulse to action is felt. Mr. Steinbrenner was impulsive. That meant that when an emotion hit him, he acted on it. And he often did so without thinking much about it. So when he felt angry, he acted angrily. He fired people; he berated them. When he had a question or a thought or an idea, he didn’t wait to think it through, he called the person at any hour and talked to him or her about it or he acted on it. He was impulsive. He was impulsive in what he said and impulsive in what he did. And he was comfortable being this way. This was behind his apparently uncaring and cruel actions. It was also behind some of the lame brained things he did like hire a con man to get dirt on a player. And it was behind some of his ill-considered quotes. But when Mr. Steinbrenner had a positive emotion or a charitable impulse, he acted on that too and did so just as comfortably and easily. So he rehired people. He heard of a cause that moved him and immediately acted to help that cause. He heard of an employee experiencing hard times and his feelings were stirred. He acted and reached out to help that person. As his emotions shifted and his impulses changed, he behaved differently. The behavior looked inconsistent but was always consistent with the emotion de jure. Look for emotional, not cognitive, triggers and you’ll see the consistency.
Finally, George Steinbrenner was The Boss. No matter what he did, it had to reflect his status as the father figure, as the one in charge. When he berated, or fired, or demanded an answer to something that had occurred to him in the last few minutes, or reacted to an event and offered the quotes that made the back page so often, he did so as the one in charge. He was never a supplicant, a subordinate, or even an equal. He was The Boss; the father. This was true of his kind behaviors as well. Whenever he helped someone, he did not have a back and forth. He came from on high and bestowed his largesse. He was still in charge. He offered advice; he gave help. Even when he took advice, it was from subordinates, not equals. He was always the father and he retained the right to override and to second-guess his people.
So again, how could he be cruel and caring? Because his emotions like the emotions of all of us shifted. He just acted on all of them and he did so quickly. He was impulsive. And he was comfortable with it all. How did he have the nerve to push people around, fire Yogi Berra, demand accounting from his subordinates at odd hours? He was the boss, the father running the show as he saw fit. How could the same man treat these people so well? He was the boss, the father, providing them with his largesse.
In his case, it all worked. Why? Because he was extraordinarily intelligent, he was a talented executive, and because he had the carrots people wanted as well as the sticks they feared. This style leads to mistakes and broken relationships but he was able to override those pitfalls because of his talent, charisma, and ultimately because winning was so important to him that he would back down if he saw that winning was in the offing. Winning settled all scores and forgave all transgressions. That is, whether you agree with it or not, he had a value that gave all of his actions meaning.
Joel Weinberger is Professor of Psychology at Adelphi University. He is also co-founder of Implicit Strategies. You can find out more about Joel at www.implicitstrategies.com.
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The Best is Yet to Be: The 40s
BLOGGER: DEBORAH HEISER, PHD
Midlife begins at 40. But what does MIDLIFE really mean? Does it mean an end to youth, a beginning of a new chapter in life? Is life half over by 40, or is 40 really the new 30? The answer? It’s all true. But…that isn’t all bad. We have a lot to look forward to! For example, did you know that in their 40s, most people become more intimate? Hmmm…I’ll talk more about that in a minute…And in your 50s you are likely to become more generative? This doesn’t mean that you become more productive; it means that you become more giving of yourself, which turns out to be a good thing not just for you, but also for all of those around you. Your 60s are likely to get even better, because by this time, you are likely to experience deeper intimacy and generativity. Wow. Chances are you’ll feel more fulfilled; have stronger relationships and just feel better about life. In other words, you are moving toward the feeling of a life well lived. And isn’t that what most of us aspire to?
So, come along and find out what is in store for midlife, beginning with the 40s.
Know Thyself
· We know ourselves better than we ever have once we reach our 40s.
· We are more likely to have reached a level of “intimacy” rather than “isolation”
· We have fewer but better friends than in our 20s and 30s
Twenty years ago, most people in their 40s were in an established career, relationship or marriage, and parents of children in their teens or beyond. When someone pictured a 40 year old, it was pretty different from the nearly impossible snapshot of what life looks like for people in their 40s today. The lifestyle has changed so that today, there are lots of people in their 40s getting married for the first time, having their first child and/or starting new careers. In this way, the 40s are like the new 30s. We’ve essentially, extended our youth (and that isn’t such a bad thing). There are some in their 40s who are sending their kids off to college, enjoying more free time and maybe even pondering retirement. But there are some defining features for our 40s. For one, most people know themselves better, and thus, are more comfortable with who they are. That inner voice becomes louder and demands we pay attention! Decisions tend to be made based on who you know yourself to be rather than who we think we should be (pleasing mom, friends, significant others).
This gives the 40-somethings the ability to:
· Speak frankly and openly
· Not take things so personally
· Be less superficial
· Expect to be listened to
· Savor life
· Be more resourceful
· Appreciate what makes people different (become less judgmental)
In essence, as the great psychologist Erik Erikson wrote over a half century ago, this boils down to a stronger self-identity, making the 40-somethings more secure, independent, and able to form closer relationships with others. Being less guarded and more self-assured opens us up for better, more meaningful interactions with others. —-This is intimacy. —- So, intimacy isn’t just found between the bed sheets. It isn’t just referring to relationships with a spouse or significant other. It is the relationship we have with our children, family and friends too. In our 40s, we hope to achieve a healthy level of intimacy. The alternative to intimacy, what we are fighting to overcome, is isolation. What this really means is:
Intimacy Isolation
Retain a sense of self Not achieving a sense of reciprocity from others
Isolation likely is due to a lack of sense of self or insecurity, making it difficult to form secure relationships with others. We can see, when people go through “blips” in life, where external forces affect our lives, that our sense of self can be “rocked” which can make a strong relationship go through an unstable or less stable period. We can also see that some people who don’t know themselves, or are insecure about themselves start to find themselves, or become more in tune with their identity, and that can create difficulties in achieving or maintaining intimacy.
So to sum up the 40s, something changes as we age. Over time, we begin to become choosier about who we want to spend our spare time with. We have confidence in ourselves and don’t need friends around to simply tell us, “wow, cute hair…great handbag…cool boyfriend” like when we were in our 20s. It isn’t about the external stuff so much anymore. For the most part, we know what looks good on us, we know what we want to buy, and how we want to present ourselves. We aren’t buying new Prada shoes because a girlfriend has a pair or a new Iphone to be important (well, maybe that is stretching it).
So, tell us, have you reached the level of Intimacy in your 40s? – Simply leave a message in the comment box and it will be posted!
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BLOGGER: JARED DEFIFE, PHD
Did you pledge to slim your waistline in 2009, but find yourself packing on a few extra pounds this holiday season? Here are a few ways to get your pants to fit again for 2010.
-Assess yourself
Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and take a good look at your life and health habits over the past month. Were your holiday feasts a little too filling? Did you mindlessly graze through the sweets and snacks that were left out for the taking? Have too many cocktails at your cocktail parties? Were you less active than usual? Did feeling more down or depressed leave you with less motivation to take care of yourself? Have you been eating more as a way to cope with feelings of sadness or loneliness? Developing a meaningful measure and understanding of your behavior goes a long way towards effectively identifying goals for change. Keeping track with food logs or activity calendars is a great way to record your achievements and identify problem areas.
-Don’t repress yourself
Gaining weight can be disappointing, especially if you’ve spent a lot of effort trying to lose it. When people get upset or disappointed, I often hear them say that they know they should just “let it go”, “move past it”, or “forget about it”. I think that’s a load of hooey. Those are trite little psychobabble platitudes with the implicit message that feelings are bad and you shouldn’t have them. Anyone who has been hurt or disappointed knows that you don’t just “forget about it”. Feelings are inevitable; when you stop feeling, you stop living. How you choose to act on your feelings is the point where behavior becomes more or less adaptive. If you feel disappointed and angry over your holiday weight gain, you can choose to let those feelings shut you down, or you can let those feelings motivate you towards new behavior.
-To forgive is divine
Getting down on yourself for your holiday hedonism isn’t particularly helpful for anything. Regretfully ruminating about those two extra Christmas cookies you ate or that full day you spent on the couch watching football doesn’t burn cookie calories or turn couch surfing into cardio calisthenics. Feelings of shame and guilt about your holiday weight gain can quickly become demoralizing, undermining your motivation to eat wisely and stay active. Remember that when it comes to holiday weight gain, you are not alone. American adults gain on average around 1 to 2 lbs each year, mostly around the winter holidays. It’s not a crime to be a little self-indulgent. Try to look fondly on the parts of your holidays filled with good times and good food. Don’t let a couple extra pounds hold you down too much.
-…but don’t let yourself off the hook
Self-forgiveness does not mean shirking all personal responsibility. Ultimately, you are responsible for your own actions and indulgences. Take responsibility without blaming (yourself or anyone else). There is a fine line between understanding the effects of a situation and blaming that situation for the consequences. For example, it may be a very useful insight to identify that a streak of bad weather prevented a couple of your daily runs. What you do with that insight is what makes all the difference. Blaming the weather for your inactivity and waiting for the sun to shine won’t do you any good. Knowing that winter weather keeps you housebound and preparing for that by planning indoor aerobic activities for when the snow hits turns an insightful understanding into effective behavior change.
-Make it about the process, not about the poundage
Scales can be useful diagnostic tools. However, scale watching is a lot like whale watching. Every now and then you get an exciting result, but there’s also a lot of inactivity and even disappointment. Staying active with regular exercise and eating a sensible daily diet should be much more important than the number at your feet on any given day.
-Get support
You should always let your physician know about your diet and exercise goals and routines. A psychotherapist can also work with you in developing your personal goals, tracking your progress, guiding your emotions away from self-loathing and towards self-achievement, and identifying if you’ve dipped below winter blues and into a more significant depression. Enlist a few close and supportive friends for encouragement and the occasional reality check. It takes a village to lose a pound, so groups like Weight Watchers, recreational clubs, and sports teams are great for guidance, support, and social networking.
Jared DeFife, Ph.D. is a research scientist in clinical psychology at Emory University and Associate Director of the Laboratory for Personality and Psychopathology. He writes a regular blog for Psychology Today at www.tinyurl.com/jdefife.
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