How to Live to 104
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On Being Invisible
Blogger: Renee Fisher
Do you ever feel invisible? When my friends and I decided to write a book about women over 50, I asked a lot of women my age what sucked about getting older. I expected to hear the sagging/bagging/dragging thing or maybe the memory thing or maybe even the empty nest thing. I didn’t hear any of that. What I heard over and over was “I feel invisible.” Well, you could have knocked me over with a pair of sensible shoes.
I could relate to these women. I remember certain events in my life vividly: My first kiss. The day John F Kennedy was shot. “Going all the way.” My college graduation. My first wedding. The births of my three children. The day I became invisible. My second wedding. The day my grandson was born.
Whoops, back up. I remember the day, no, the moment, when I became invisible. Walking down the aisle at Safeway. Man coming toward me. Man passing. My brain registering He never saw me. I don’t mean he didn’t oogle me. I mean HE DIDN’T SEE ME. I wasn’t composed of molecules that took up any space in his world. Had someone asked him if he had passed anyone in the aisle, he would have said “No.”
It was a real turning point for me. I never had to think about my visibility before. It was just sort of there. But from that day on, I didn’t take visibility as a given. I made sure I looked people in the eye and smiled when I passed them. I spoke up when sales people started to deal with other customers when I had been there first. I no longer allowed people to cut in front of me in line or to take a parking space I had been waiting for. And I got rid of all the long baggy jumpers I had been wearing, just because they were so comfortable. In other words, I began to think about how I was going to be visible in the world. The result was incredibly energizing.
The conclusion I came to was that being visible had little to do with youth or sex appeal. It came from a feeling of empowerment, and from a belief that I should be noticed. There’s a commercial on TV now that shows a woman all dressed up, coming down the stairs. The voiceover says “It’s (whatever the product is) the difference between ‘I’m here’ and ‘Here I am.’” That pretty much sums it up for me.
All this is not to say that there aren’t times that I choose to be invisible, to fly under the radar. Sometimes, under the right circumstances, that can be liberating and/or comforting. And, at other times, it allows me to get away with things, like standing in line at the checkout, eating the nuts that haven’t been weighed yet (Now Husband Dan hates when I do that.) Visible. Invisible. I simply want the choice.
Note to Safeway Guy: If we ever share the same aisle again, I’ll bet you’ll notice me.
Renee Fisher
Co-author, Saving the Best for Last: Creating Our Lives After 50
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Information and Conversation for my Generation
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The Best is Yet to Be: The 40s
BLOGGER: DEBORAH HEISER, PHD
Midlife begins at 40. But what does MIDLIFE really mean? Does it mean an end to youth, a beginning of a new chapter in life? Is life half over by 40, or is 40 really the new 30? The answer? It’s all true. But…that isn’t all bad. We have a lot to look forward to! For example, did you know that in their 40s, most people become more intimate? Hmmm…I’ll talk more about that in a minute…And in your 50s you are likely to become more generative? This doesn’t mean that you become more productive; it means that you become more giving of yourself, which turns out to be a good thing not just for you, but also for all of those around you. Your 60s are likely to get even better, because by this time, you are likely to experience deeper intimacy and generativity. Wow. Chances are you’ll feel more fulfilled; have stronger relationships and just feel better about life. In other words, you are moving toward the feeling of a life well lived. And isn’t that what most of us aspire to?
So, come along and find out what is in store for midlife, beginning with the 40s.
Know Thyself
· We know ourselves better than we ever have once we reach our 40s.
· We are more likely to have reached a level of “intimacy” rather than “isolation”
· We have fewer but better friends than in our 20s and 30s
Twenty years ago, most people in their 40s were in an established career, relationship or marriage, and parents of children in their teens or beyond. When someone pictured a 40 year old, it was pretty different from the nearly impossible snapshot of what life looks like for people in their 40s today. The lifestyle has changed so that today, there are lots of people in their 40s getting married for the first time, having their first child and/or starting new careers. In this way, the 40s are like the new 30s. We’ve essentially, extended our youth (and that isn’t such a bad thing). There are some in their 40s who are sending their kids off to college, enjoying more free time and maybe even pondering retirement. But there are some defining features for our 40s. For one, most people know themselves better, and thus, are more comfortable with who they are. That inner voice becomes louder and demands we pay attention! Decisions tend to be made based on who you know yourself to be rather than who we think we should be (pleasing mom, friends, significant others).
This gives the 40-somethings the ability to:
· Speak frankly and openly
· Not take things so personally
· Be less superficial
· Expect to be listened to
· Savor life
· Be more resourceful
· Appreciate what makes people different (become less judgmental)
In essence, as the great psychologist Erik Erikson wrote over a half century ago, this boils down to a stronger self-identity, making the 40-somethings more secure, independent, and able to form closer relationships with others. Being less guarded and more self-assured opens us up for better, more meaningful interactions with others. —-This is intimacy. —- So, intimacy isn’t just found between the bed sheets. It isn’t just referring to relationships with a spouse or significant other. It is the relationship we have with our children, family and friends too. In our 40s, we hope to achieve a healthy level of intimacy. The alternative to intimacy, what we are fighting to overcome, is isolation. What this really means is:
Intimacy Isolation
Retain a sense of self Not achieving a sense of reciprocity from others
Isolation likely is due to a lack of sense of self or insecurity, making it difficult to form secure relationships with others. We can see, when people go through “blips” in life, where external forces affect our lives, that our sense of self can be “rocked” which can make a strong relationship go through an unstable or less stable period. We can also see that some people who don’t know themselves, or are insecure about themselves start to find themselves, or become more in tune with their identity, and that can create difficulties in achieving or maintaining intimacy.
So to sum up the 40s, something changes as we age. Over time, we begin to become choosier about who we want to spend our spare time with. We have confidence in ourselves and don’t need friends around to simply tell us, “wow, cute hair…great handbag…cool boyfriend” like when we were in our 20s. It isn’t about the external stuff so much anymore. For the most part, we know what looks good on us, we know what we want to buy, and how we want to present ourselves. We aren’t buying new Prada shoes because a girlfriend has a pair or a new Iphone to be important (well, maybe that is stretching it).
So, tell us, have you reached the level of Intimacy in your 40s? – Simply leave a message in the comment box and it will be posted!
To read the bio for Deborah Heiser, click here.
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BLOGGER: JULIE WEBSTER
It is a known fact that as we age our bodies change. Starting around the age of 45 we start to lose muscle mass at a rate of approximately 1% per year. Although this doesn’t sound like a big deal, it really is. The reason being is because at the same time our bodies are starting to lose muscle mass, most people are starting to gain weight. The average American gains 1-2 pounds of weight per year as they age. Again that doesn’t sound like a lot but if you average that over 10 years, you have gained 15 pounds!
Let’s look at that. Muscle is about 18% denser than fat. In other words, think about weight verses volume. A pound is a pound but the amount of space one takes up verses the other is the key factor. For an extreme example think about the weight of one pound of feathers verses one pound of brick. Since the brick is so much denser, it would take up much less space than one pound of feathers would. You get the point?
So, if muscle is 18% denser than fat and we are losing mass yet gaining weight what do you think we really gaining? Fat, of course. Our bodies are either staying the same size or, in many cases getting physically bigger. Consequently our ratio of muscle to fat is changing dramatically.
Less muscle means less strength thus decreasing our ability to do even the little things. I met a woman who could no longer carry her own groceries into the house because they had become too heavy and she was not very old! Verses the woman who still lifts weights at 68 years old, looks fabulous and carries just about anything and everything she wants. Big difference. This doesn’t even address the bigger picture of doing the fun things. I have a 77 year old friend that plays tennis like no body’s business. She competed in a league a few weeks ago, played for 3 hours to win the overall competition, and she was playing against women in their 50’s. Now that’s living!
A decrease in muscle mass does not only equate to less strength. With less muscle, a decrease in bone density rises thus leading to the potential for osteoporosis. In addition studies have shown that an increase in strength can:
· Result in a decrease in arthritic pain
· Improve balance and flexibility
· Assist in balancing blood glucose levels
· Have a positive impact on our emotional being
· Strengthen the heart
· And much more
So let us start by figuring out our own ratio of body fat to lean muscle. There is a means of measuring this called the Body Mass Index or BMI. BMI is a comparison of your height to weight. This formula is being used more and more in the medical field and yet it is not necessarily an accurate way to measure body fat, in my opinion. Take the individual who is very muscular and consequently quite lean. They will come up on the BMI chart as having too high of a body mass index for their size. Again this is because of the fact that muscle is so much more dense than fat. A very small person, with a body fat of say 15%, will appear fat on with this measurement. Or the body builder that is 5’6” and weighs 240 pounds. His body fat may be around 12% and yet on a BMI chart he will show up obese.
A better way to determine the ratio is through actual measurement of body fat. This can be done at a gym by using calibrators where skin is lifted from the muscle and measured on various parts of the body. It can also be done in a pool by measuring how fast you sink; supposedly a better way and yet not too easily found. For those of you that don’t have access to these kinds of measurements, I did find a source online that seems pretty accurate. Simply go here to take that test: http://www.healthcentral.com/cholesterol/home-body-fat-test-2774-143.html
Once you have this information you have the power to change it. Rather than think, ‘I’m doomed!’ it is time to think positive. It means you have an opportunity to make changes that can have an incredible impact on your health, your future and how to enjoy the balance of your life. An Encore Life. How great is that?
As time goes on and the kids are grown, there is more time to focus on ourselves separately and together with our partners. It is a time to engage in new endeavors. To think outside the box. To explore things that we might have thought about in the past but just didn’t have the time to try. It is time for an even better life!
Building muscle requires resistance. When a muscle is challenged physically it puts stress on the bone. The bone in response creates additional osteoblasts or cells that produce more bone. The process is known as the piezoelectric effect. Greater stress = more cell production=denser bones. And, as mentioned, this is an excellent way to prevent osteoporosis.
Not only will that additional muscle strengthen your bones but it will increase your basal metabolic rate or BMR. This is the basic amount of energy needed per day to function. Additional muscle mass = higher BMR = additional calories burned. Therefore a person with a higher ratio of muscle to fat can and actually needs to eat more. Now isn’t that a great thing! Of course what we eat is important as well. To create these positive changes requires a blend of exercise and diet but for the purpose of this article let us focus on the exercise portion. The diet will be addressed in a future article.
For now, let us take a look at the ways in which we can increase our muscle mass. Of course there is the obvious – going to the gym to lift weights. This is a great way and works fantastically for some. For others this sounds like a death sentence! Here are some additional ideas that can be really fun, give you a cardiovascular workout as well and offer resistance training:
· Hiking up and down hills (my personal favorite). Although this doesn’t address the upper body it is great for your legs and hips. You would need to supplement with some upper body training.
· Rowing. This fun sport actually uses both your upper body and (to my surprise) a great deal of legs. Overall it can really offer resistance as well as cardiovascular fitness.
· Yoga can be a good form of resistance training, especially the more aggressive types such as Ashtanga Yoga.
· Taking classes such as certain forms of dance, boot camps and so forth.
· Kayaking. This is more for building upper body strength but it is fast-paced and fun!
· Rock Climbing. Now this one might really take you to a new place!
· Even the Wii Fit can offer those that want to stay inside a great workout.
These are just some ideas. Play around with different types of activities that you enjoy and see if it fits into a strength or resistance training category. Do not buy into the, ‘well I’m getting older…’ mentality. Step out and up and make tomorrow even better than today! You will be amazed at just how much you can change your body and fitness level! We are only limited by our imagination so be creative, build muscle and head towards a more dynamic, healthy future!
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Julie Webster has been personally involved in health for most of her life. At the age of 16 she joined her first health club, started to become interested in alternative health and began implementing healthy changes in her life. Professionally, at the age of 18, she purchased and ran a Jack LaLanne Nutrition Center. From here she went on to operate 14 retail vitamin stores; learning and teaching about the properties of protein, fats, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals. She then became a Certified Massage Therapist and has been practicing for the last 19 years. With her passion for health, she wanted to find additional ways to educate the public on health, nutrition and fitness and so became a Certified Health Counselor. Julie offers education through her website and blog. She is also available for seminars, workshops and speaking engagements.
Imagine the Possibilities
BLOGGER: LAURA TRAYNOR
Starting next year, the first wave of America’s 80 million baby boomers will turn 65. Think about it, 80 million new customers for the field/industry of aging. That’s a huge number! And this is a major demographic revolution, not some fly by night trend. Since there’s a big age range between the youngest and oldest baby boomers (19 years), this will be a period of sustained change. If you like to be inventive or entrepreneurial (and I do), here’s an expansive field that is wide open!
I work in the field of aging and think it’s one of the most exiting places to be. To me, aging is a new frontier – for the first time in our country’s history, more people are living longer than ever before. Older people today are our pioneers – forging ahead into unchartered territories and creating a host of opportunities along the way. I’m eager to forge ahead and excited to help shape the future of the industry, for with luck we shall all reach this demographic one day!
Think about it. How will baby boomers live? Where will they live? What will they wear? What will they consume? What new products will they demand? Will they have more time in the work force or more leisure? One thing’s for sure – baby boomers will be a different generation of older adults, requiring new and different approaches to living out their extra years. There will be a huge demand for new products and services. New jobs that have yet to be imagined. And new policies that address the challenges and opportunities brought about by a rapidly aging society.
I’m currently working as a program manager for a growing non-profit organization that is looking at a big policy issue – how are we going to care for this growing population of older adults? Right now, there’s a critical shortage of professional caregivers and families are fragmented and/or stretched to the max. This project, developed by members of The Transition Network (www.thetransitionnetwork.org), taps into the human and social capital that resides within their community to help each other through temporary periods of illness and disability. It increases the pool of caregivers by extending this role to informal communities – where networks and friendships are already in place.
This is just one example of some of the exciting work that’s going on in aging. Unfortunately, when it comes to aging, you’re likely to hear more gloom and doom than then its upside. That’s why I got involved in ImagineAge. To add a bit of imagination, sparkle and pizzazz to a field that has a bad rap. If you have specific questions or topics you want covered, please let me know. If you are in school and curious what options the field might hold for you, send me a note! If your job on Wall Street disappeared before you even started it, I’d be happy to tell you about some of the exciting options in the field of aging.
In upcoming blogs, I’ll be sharing some fresh approaches, innovative ideas and interesting people that I hope will inspire you to imagine a new age! Stay tuned……
In the meantime, if you have anything you’d like to share, leave a comment. We’d love to know about ideas you have!
To find out more about Laura, click here to read her bio.
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