Sixty isn’t the “New” Anything

Sixty isn’t the “New” Anything

BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER

I’m venting. I’m seriously so tired of hearing people say things like “Sixty is the new fifty.” Or forty. Or even thirty. This morning, on one of the talk shows, I caught about 30 seconds of the guest going on and on about how sixty-year olds should go mountain climbing and have pajama parties and join Facebook and meet people on Match.com, whatever they want. OK, I thought, I like the general concept. But then the host asked, “So sixty is the new forty?” I froze. The guest chirpily answered, “No, sixty is the new twenty!!!”

OK, folks, here’s the deal. Sixty isn’t anything other than sixty. Got it? If you are twenty, and you like to jump up and down on a bed and have pillow fights, does that make twenty the new five?” If you are twenty, you are twenty. If you are sixty, you are sixty. Sorry, but the iPad doesn’t, to my knowledge, include a time machine.

I know what people are trying to say, but I’d like it said in a different way, a meaningful way: Sixty-year olds are redefining what it means to be sixty. We aren’t any age other than what we are. We are simply giving a new definition of what that is. My sixty three isn’t twenty (A quick check of my body parts will confirm that). But, my sixty three is vastly different than my parents’ sixty three.

Sixty year olds now have access to all the wonders medical science can provide, including replacing or repairing a lot of internal and external body parts. Medications and nutrition keep us alive longer. Gyms are on every street corner. And the internet allows up to connect with each other in a way that our parents’ generation couldn’t have conceived of (I met my Now Husband Dan on Match.com).

So, please, give us the respect we deserve. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am today. I wouldn’t change that for anything. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to magically change some things (two, for example). It just means I like me and I like me at sixty three. I’m not the “new twenty.” I’m the “new sixty three.”

I’m finished now.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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Midlife “Body Flow”

Midlife Body Flow

BLOGGER:  RENEE FISHER

Twice a week, I take a Pilates Reformer class at my gym. The “Reformer” is a big, lightly padded board on wheels, with levers, pulleys, weights, and other components, all employed without the benefit of a user’s manual. It was either invented by Mr Pilates, the same person who invented people like Madonna, who is one of his disciples. Or, it might have been invented by some unnamed person who wanted to “reform” what Mr Pilates invented, since regular Pilates consists of human beings working out on the floor, whereas this gives a person thousands of dollars worth of apparatus to insert between the floor and one’s body. In addition, we are sometimes given a large, hollow, padded box to place either “long ways” or “short ways” on the board. Since, as well all know now, I am still not clear which way is “long ways” or “short ways.” I watch what other people are doing, and copy them. Other equipment includes the “magic ring,” the “jump board” and “the pole.” I choose to take Reformer classes instead of regular Pilates, because when I tell people I do “Reformer Pilates” they have no idea what I am talking about and so are completely impressed. They assume it is some advanced form of Pilates, known only to Victoria Beckham and other anointed individuals. The exact opposite is true. Reformer means no working on the floor, which is much easier. And, because space is limited due to the size of the machines, it also means much smaller classes, affording either individual attention or, on really good days, some kibitzing among participants that can waste some time. The downside to Reformer is that it costs money in addition to my monthly gym membership. Regular Pilates is included in the membership fee. But I have never given even a thought to regular Pilates, so I keep paying. There is a lovely, older woman in my Reformer class. She is in her eighties and brings her portable oxygen equipment with her. I am not making this up. I like having her in class, because she needs extra time to arrange her oxygen whenever we switch position, and this corresponds exactly with the extra time I need to figure out what the instructor is talking about, since I am usually initially facing the exact opposite way that everyone else is. One day last week, the sweet older woman suggested to me that I take a class called “Body Flow,” which is, like regular Pilates, included in gym membership. She takes Body Flow once a week and Reformer once a week. It works perfectly for her. She said Body Flow allows people to work at their own level. This sold me. First off, I like the phrase “Body Flow.” And it has the added advantage of being something else that others are unfamiliar with when I tell them what I do at the gym. I took the Body Flow class a couple days later. There were about twenty women in the room, whose combined weight equaled one large meal. Our equipment consisted of a mat the thickness of a good quality paper towel. I should add that the sweet older woman wasn’t there. As I came into the gym, I had noticed her in the Reformer room, a bad sign. Aside from two grey-haired women who each looked like when they are not at the gym they are hiking the Appalachian Trail, I was old enough to be everyone else’s mother. The instructor started with the following words: “We have a really, really tough workout planned today! Get ready! We will twist our bodies around in all kinds of ways that human bodies are not meant to twist! This will be brutal!” I scanned the room, Apparently, these words were greeted as positive, since everyone around me looked like hyenas just presented with a fresh zebra kill. The instructor proceeded by throwing out names of positions in rapid-fire manner. Most of them involved animals. To me, everything sounded like “The Down Dirty Dog,” except for the one called either “Ape” or “Gorilla,” which involved bending over from a standing position and placing the entire palms of one’s hands under one’s feet. After awhile, I really wasn’t paying much attention. I sort of slumped down on my mat and wondered why an eighty-something year old woman with portable oxygen equipment would do this to me. Isn’t there some kind of rule that when people get to be a certain age they can’t screw around with your life?

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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Sex and the Sixty: The Date

Sex and the Sixty: The Date

Blogger: Renee Fisher

Before reading, if you haven’t read the first three blogs in the series, you can click the links below:

Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating

Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online

Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match

Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop

When my friend Susan goes on actual dates, she does exactly the same things that most people do.  She goes out to dinner.  She goes to the movies.  She goes to female impersonator shows.  But somehow, the end result always seems to veer off course.

Sometimes, she and the guy never even make it to the actual date.  On one occasion, she and her date planned a picnic.  They would meet in the parking lot near the picnic area.  They had decided that they would each bring food.  Susan was to bring the wine; her date was to bring an assortment of cheeses and crackers.  A romantic first date was anticipated by Susan.  Subsequent events would make her less optimistic.  Her date was late, and then, when he finally arrived, she watched him circle the parking lot for about five minutes before he finally parked the car.

When he did finally did pull into a parking space and Susan came over to his car, she asked him if there was a problem.  He said there was no problem, but he immediately complained about the day being so warm and his wanting a soda during the drive and stopping at a 7-11 to get one, but not being willing to spend $1.50.  Susan then told him that she had wanted to call him to see why he was late, but she didn’t have his cell number.  He told her he didn’t own a cell phone because they were too expensive.

They then walked to what Susan described as “the edge a cliff” (Susan doesn’t get into parks very often).   Susan carried a bottle of wine and two glasses.  She noticed that her date didn’t seem to be carrying anything.

By now, she was adding up all the negatives of the situation and deciding that she really just wanted to go home.  She told him she wasn’t feeling well, and decided to pass on the “picnic.”  Her date expressed concern and asked her if she wanted to just go back to his car, sit and eat the crackers and two slices of Velveeta that were in his pocket.  Susan told him she was allergic to Velveeta and left.  She took the bottle of wine home with her and consumed a fair amount of it that evening.

Another favorite of mine (I’m not sure why Susan doesn’t find quite the humor in it that I do), is one that I referred to briefly in a previous column.  I will now divulge all the details.  Susan and a man planned a movie date at a theater that was located in a shopping mall.  By the time they arrived, the theater was packed, and they couldn’t find seats together.  Her date rearranged the entire audience by telling them he was going to propose to her and they had to sit together. One of the people who was forced out of her seat was an elderly woman with a walker.  She ended up being moved to the first row, and being separated from her companion, all in the name of “love.”

Susan was mortified, but she said nothing.  The movie began and after about 30 minutes, Susan’s date announced that he was going to get popcorn.  He then disappeared for an hour.  Susan considered the possibilities and decided that one of two things had occurred.   Either he had a heart attack and the EMT had taken him away, not knowing that he had a date still sitting in the movie.  The other possibility was that the elderly woman in the front row had beaten him senseless with her walker.

It turned out that neither of these had occurred.  Her date finally returned, loaded with packages.  He said he had gone shopping because he didn’t like the movie.  He especially needed a new pair of shoes, and luckily, he found a store that had the perfect ones.  He then proceeded to dig into his shopping bag to show her.  Susan was so stunned, she didn’t say a word.  When the movie ended, she walked to the front of the theater to try to find the elderly woman and ask her if she could borrow her walker for a moment.  But the woman had already left.

I will explore more of Susan’s antics in subsequent postings.  Luckily for you and me, if not for Susan, there seems to be a never-ending supply.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50  www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for  examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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GROUCHY GUY: TEASING AND ANGER MANAGEMENT

Grouchy Guy: Teasing and Anger Management

BLOGGER: LAWRENCE JOSEPHS, PHD

As grouchy guys privately try to manage their conflicts about sexual fidelity in long-term monogamous relationships, they sometimes begin to lose their sense of humor and that’s why they can become very touchy about stupid little things. Arguments about stupid little things then can easily escalate into major blow-ups. Sometimes such an ugly scene can be nipped in the bud by turning an irritable interchange into an amusing one through a teasing remark that doesn’t take a grouchy guy’s complaints too seriously or too personally.

Social psychologists have noted that teasing is central to social life from childhood on and can be used to bring people closer together or to bully and humiliate them. On the positive side, teasing can be an imaginative and playful way to socialize, to flirt, and to resolve conflicts. On the negative side, teasing can be used as a weapon that is used to demean someone while pretending that it’s only kidding around. Teasing can turn a tense and testy moment into a special form of intimacy, two people having a good laugh with each other as they narrowly averted a major blow-up. Nobody is taking themselves too seriously. And in a romantic relationship since teasing is such an important part of flirting, teasing can re-awaken romantic feelings in a couple whose irritability with each other has thrown a big wet towel on their romantic passion.

Yet teasing in romantic relationships can backfire if it cuts to the quick, if it pores salt into old wounds rather than let’s those wounds heal. Especially, when teasing has that sarcastic edge, it is more likely to antagonize than amuse. The challenge in long-term romantic relationships is how to enable grouchy guys and grouchy gals to rediscover the pleasure they once shared in flirtatiously teasing one another. Flirtatious teasing does seem to be the basis of romantic seduction and just might be the basis of restoring romantic passion in a relationship once it has been lost because of never ending petty bickering over stupid little things.

So the challenge is this if you are living with either a grouchy guy or a grouchy girl. The next time they are barking at you about some stupid little thing. Try not to take it too personally, try not to take the specific complaint too seriously, try not to become too defensive, and try not to respond argumentatively as your grouchy partner is unconsciously trying to bait you into an argument. Remember that your grouchy partner is probably stressed out about some deeper inner issues that aren’t really being discussed and that they aren’t quite ready to talk about openly. They are being grouchy to blow off steam, unfortunately at your expense, but it’s better not to get too indignant about that. But just maybe you could find it within yourself to respond with some flirtatiously teasing comment, the sort your partner used to like back when you were originally trying to woo and win your partner as a lifelong partner, before the demands and frustrations of a long-term monogamous relationship began to wear both of you down. Just maybe you might be able to avert an ugly blow up by turning a testy moment into a humorous interchange that just might reawaken some of the romantic passion that you shared back in the good old days when you used to share the enjoyment of flirtatiously teasing each other.

Once a big fight has been successfully avoided and romantic passion reawakened by flirtatious teasing, it might seem that staying in a long-term monogamous relationship isn’t such a bad idea after all and maybe the grass isn’t greener anywhere else. For anyone interested in a comprehensive literature review of the research on teasing see: Keltner, D. et al. (2001) Just teasing: A conceptual analysis and empirical review. Psychological Bulletin. 127: 229-248.

 

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?

To find out more about Dr. Josephs, click here to read his bio.

 

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