Grouchy Gals: How Men Let Women Down
Grouchy Gals: How Men Let Women Down
BLOGGER: LAWRENCE JOSEPHS, PHD
We all know what men think of an angry woman. For most men an angry woman is a “bitch.” Of course, it’s not fair that an angry man is often construed as an assertive man who has self-respect because he stands up for himself. An angry woman is just seen as a scolding shrew, not a particularly attractive or feminine trait. It’s just one more double standard that women are subjected to. What men never ask themselves is why are women so angry at men and if just perhaps men may have done something to provoke women’s anger. Men just assume that an angry woman is a crazy woman who is irrational. It doesn’t occur to most men that they have anything to do with it, that perhaps men drive women crazy by their actions.
I’m going to do something that no self-respecting man is supposed to do, to break the “bro’ code” (i.e. the secret fraternal code of conduct that is not to be admitted to women). The “bro’ code” are the secret stratagems that men use to have their way with women, be it to get laid, to get a woman to fall in love with him, or to keep a married woman subservient. Basically, men intuit what women are looking for in a romantic partner. The basic strategy is to seduce women by pretending to be what they want you to be and once they are hooked just do whatever the hell you want, whether they like it or not, because men believe that once women become attached to them they can exploit that emotional dependency to get their way. Men assume that women are too frightened of abandonment, of replacement, and of being on their own to ever kick them out and find someone better.
What do women want in a man, nothing particularly exotic, just a reasonably handsome, healthy guy who will be loving, devoted, and caring husband and father as well as a reasonable provider. And guys know it helps a lot if you look at a woman adoringly as though she is the greatest thing since sliced bread. So you just keep up the act until a woman is hooked and then presumably you have got her over a barrel and can have your way with her. That’s why women are angry, that men seduce them with false pretenses and then disappointment them one way or another by not living up to their advance billing. It’s not that women don’t play the same game with men but that’s another story for another blog. Once women really that they have been hookwinked and bamboozled by the men they love they are pretty “pissed off,” to put it mildly.
What are the common sorts of promises men make and break, the expectations they set up and then disappoint? Men seem to be looking for a relationship but then they just want casual sex as they turn out to be a love them and leave them kind of guy? Men seem to want to long-term monogamous relationship but they really want a mother for their children while they entertain mistresses on the side? A man might seem like a kind, good natured, and considerate gentleman but turns out to be a crude, vulgar, and grouchy guy who likes to burp and fart to his heart’s content. A man might seem like a real go getter who will be a great provider but then he gambles away the family’s financial security by going deep into debt to salvage a failing business? A man might seem easy going and flexible but turns out to be stubborn and belligerent instead. The list goes on and on of men seeming to be one way during the courtship stage of relationship and then turning out to be another way once the honeymoon is over and they are no longer on their best behavior. This is why women can turn into grouchy gals or depressed dreamers who yearn for something a bit more romantic.
My advice now is really more for men than for women. If men are living with a grouchy gal and don’t like living with someone they perceive as “bitchy,” now you know why. You seduced her on false pretenses during the courtship stage and now you are not living up to expectations. If you can see that and feel at least a little compassion for her predicament and would like to live with a less irritable spouse, this is what you have got to do:
1) You don’t have to live up to your advanced billing because that’s not you. Face it, you are a big disappointment as a husband and there is nothing you can do about it. You’re really not as nice a person as you thought you were. Maybe you are a bit of loser so just suck it up and take it like a man. Don’t dump your frustrations on your wife.
2) Given that your wife puts up with you at all, no matter how resentfully, you should be thankful that she doesn’t throw you out on your aging butt. Despite women’s fears of being alone, women actually do much better on their own than men do. Men can’t really take care of themselves no matter how self-sufficient and independent they pretend to be.
3) Don’t take her bitchiness so personally, she has to let off steam given that you are really just a big baby that she is stuck taking care of, especially once you become an old fart who will probably die almost a decade before she does and need a lot of draining custodial care. It’s really no big deal to be a bit more accepting and tolerant of the fact that sometimes your wife is totally disgusted with you and looks at you with contempt. Show a little gratitude that she puts up with your crap because really living with you is no picnic.
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