Sex and the Sixty: The Date

Sex and the Sixty: The Date

Blogger: Renee Fisher

Before reading, if you haven’t read the first three blogs in the series, you can click the links below:

Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating

Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online

Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match

Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop

When my friend Susan goes on actual dates, she does exactly the same things that most people do.  She goes out to dinner.  She goes to the movies.  She goes to female impersonator shows.  But somehow, the end result always seems to veer off course.

Sometimes, she and the guy never even make it to the actual date.  On one occasion, she and her date planned a picnic.  They would meet in the parking lot near the picnic area.  They had decided that they would each bring food.  Susan was to bring the wine; her date was to bring an assortment of cheeses and crackers.  A romantic first date was anticipated by Susan.  Subsequent events would make her less optimistic.  Her date was late, and then, when he finally arrived, she watched him circle the parking lot for about five minutes before he finally parked the car.

When he did finally did pull into a parking space and Susan came over to his car, she asked him if there was a problem.  He said there was no problem, but he immediately complained about the day being so warm and his wanting a soda during the drive and stopping at a 7-11 to get one, but not being willing to spend $1.50.  Susan then told him that she had wanted to call him to see why he was late, but she didn’t have his cell number.  He told her he didn’t own a cell phone because they were too expensive.

They then walked to what Susan described as “the edge a cliff” (Susan doesn’t get into parks very often).   Susan carried a bottle of wine and two glasses.  She noticed that her date didn’t seem to be carrying anything.

By now, she was adding up all the negatives of the situation and deciding that she really just wanted to go home.  She told him she wasn’t feeling well, and decided to pass on the “picnic.”  Her date expressed concern and asked her if she wanted to just go back to his car, sit and eat the crackers and two slices of Velveeta that were in his pocket.  Susan told him she was allergic to Velveeta and left.  She took the bottle of wine home with her and consumed a fair amount of it that evening.

Another favorite of mine (I’m not sure why Susan doesn’t find quite the humor in it that I do), is one that I referred to briefly in a previous column.  I will now divulge all the details.  Susan and a man planned a movie date at a theater that was located in a shopping mall.  By the time they arrived, the theater was packed, and they couldn’t find seats together.  Her date rearranged the entire audience by telling them he was going to propose to her and they had to sit together. One of the people who was forced out of her seat was an elderly woman with a walker.  She ended up being moved to the first row, and being separated from her companion, all in the name of “love.”

Susan was mortified, but she said nothing.  The movie began and after about 30 minutes, Susan’s date announced that he was going to get popcorn.  He then disappeared for an hour.  Susan considered the possibilities and decided that one of two things had occurred.   Either he had a heart attack and the EMT had taken him away, not knowing that he had a date still sitting in the movie.  The other possibility was that the elderly woman in the front row had beaten him senseless with her walker.

It turned out that neither of these had occurred.  Her date finally returned, loaded with packages.  He said he had gone shopping because he didn’t like the movie.  He especially needed a new pair of shoes, and luckily, he found a store that had the perfect ones.  He then proceeded to dig into his shopping bag to show her.  Susan was so stunned, she didn’t say a word.  When the movie ended, she walked to the front of the theater to try to find the elderly woman and ask her if she could borrow her walker for a moment.  But the woman had already left.

I will explore more of Susan’s antics in subsequent postings.  Luckily for you and me, if not for Susan, there seems to be a never-ending supply.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50  www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for  examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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Seven Reasons to Date Women Over 50

Seven Reasons to Date Women over 50

BLOGGERS: Renee Fisher, Joyce Kramer, and Jean Peelen

Single women over 50 who want to date, have discovered the terrible truth: Men over 50 don’t want to date them.

Single men over 50 are often looking for much younger women. And older men who are in less-than-perfect physical condition are often looking for women in perfect physical condition. To be fair, we also know that in many cases, this preference occurs “on paper,” meaning in the world of online dating. Put most of those same men in a room of age-compatible women, and attraction will occur. So, here’s what we propose to you men over age 50 who would like to have a real relationship with a real woman:

Put down the Viagra and spend a moment considering the following: Seven reasons why you should date women over 50.

1. Our biological clocks are gone forever. Or else, we have permanently misplaced them, along with our keys and cell phones. We’re not dating you because you’re good genetic material with which to produce offspring. We simply enjoy your company.

2. We live alone. For most of our lives before age 50, we lived with other people. Sometimes, we even knew who they were. We shared our living space with parents, roommates, lovers, husbands, children and assorted friends of our children who we discovered on couches, under beds, and in our garages. Now that we are alone, you get to be with us in a quiet, romantic setting. And you don’t have to wait in line to get to the bathroom.

3. We know that it is not our job to mold our partners. The phrase “I can change him” has been blasted out of our vocabulary by life experience. Part of the joy of being over 50 is that we now take people as they are. So settle down, relax and be happy you made the cut.

4. We don’t endlessly discuss commitment. The question “Where is this relationship going?” is about as useful to us as “Do you think the IRS will audit my return?” The joy is that we don’t spend time now in search of commitment. We simply spend time with people we like.

5. We have our own money. We like being financially independent, and we like deciding what we do or don’t do with our own money. We might agree to go Dutch, treat at times, or even enjoy paying your way, as long as that doesn’t intimidate you.

6. You don’t have to spend every minute with us. We have a close network of female friends. So you get to be with your guy friends, and we won’t feel left out. Or you can sail or play golf or whatever. If you don’t like to travel as much as we do, we can do that sometimes with our friends as well. And we won’t drag you to craft fairs unless looking for antique teapots really turns you on.

7. We will never ask you how we look in a dress. We have way too much self-confidence for that. Instead, we’ll just kiss you and ask, “How does it feel to be going out with the hottest woman on the planet?” And all you have to answer is “Great.”

We are changing the conversation about women over 50. We know that women over 50 are beautiful, sexy, vibrant, and will love you for exactly who you are. What better way to spend the years ahead.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

To receive updates from ImagineAge, enter your email in the “subscribe” box on the left side of the screen.  Your email will NOT be sold!

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To join the ImagineAge Group on Facebook, click here!

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