Boomers Rock
Boomers Rock Radio Podcast
Host: Tom Matt interviews Dr. Deborah Heiser about Motivation and Depression
www.ftns.co
Boomers Rock Radio Podcast
Host: Tom Matt interviews Dr. Deborah Heiser about Motivation and Depression
www.ftns.co
The Fountain of Youth?
via NBC News
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
ARE YOU PSYCHOLOGICALLY READY TO RETIRE?
BLOGGER: Michael B. Friedman, LMSW
Work is a central part of the lives of most people. It is source of personal identity and self-definition. It is a source of day-to-day structure and of social interaction. Work can be a source of self-esteem. Earning a living adequate to take care of yourself and your family is an important source of pride and self-worth. If you have been lucky enough to have a personally meaningful career rather than just a way of making a living, work may also have resulted in a sense of importance, of achievement, and of making a contribution to your community, nation, society, or even humanity. Work of this kind results in recognition and admiration that many people come to crave.
So, when you retire, there’s a lot to make up for. Are you ready? How will you define yourself? What will you say when someone asks you what you do? How will you feel about not earning a living and perhaps being dependent on government or family for support? Are you confident that your savings will hold up? How will you structure your days so that they don’t get away from you without doing what you wanted to do? Who will you chat with? How will you get recognition and respect when you are no longer a “star”?
Keep in mind that with increased life expectancy, retirement will not last just a couple of years before you die. If you retire in your mid-60s chances are you will still be alive and able to be active at 85—another 15 to 20 years. That’s a lot of years. Some of you will be vital into your 90s and have 25-30 years of post-retirement life. This creates both a great opportunity to take on new roles and a great challenge not to miss out on the potential satisfactions of late life.
One danger is that without work, days can slip away unnoticed. Sleep a bit late, read more of the newspaper while having breakfast than you ever did before, take a walk or exercise a little, sit down for lunch, do errands such as shopping, visit a doctor to check out your aching joints, have a drink at 5 preferably not alone, dinner, a book, a favorite TV show, and before you know it it’s time for bed. Some people seem to be happy to live this way, but many get bored and disenchanted or feel they are wasting their lives.
Do you know what you will need to be satisfied with a life without the work you will retire from?
Here are a few possibilities.
For some people, having fun in recreational and social activities and being close with family and friends are enough. Family particularly can provide opportunities for close relationships, for teaching the young, and for being helpful—all of which contribute to a sense of self-worth. Not that these are easy achievements in families, which often fester with angers and disappointments and do not respect old family members.
Recreational activities—whether it’s playing golf or poker, fishing with your buddies, quilting, following your favorite baseball team, reading, listening to music, or almost anything—offer opportunities to cultivate personal skills as well as to enjoy the company of others. Keep in mind that retirement can be very lonely. Work comes with opportunities to be sociable that don’t exist when you are home by yourself.
For many people it is important to do something meaningful. Meaning, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Some people find meaning in artistic activity. Others find it in working for a cause as a volunteer. For some getting paid is critical for economic or psychological reasons. For some meaningful old age is found in taking courses to pursue neglected interests or to develop new skills. Many people find satisfaction in work as part of religious, communal, or political organizations. So much needs to be done to repair the world that there is always room for another hand.
If you are a person who is much admired in your world and if, like most such people, you enjoy the admiration, enjoy being recognized, enjoy being respected, or enjoy being in charge, engaging in “meaningful” activity may not be psychologically enough. For many people, having-been an “important” person is not nearly as satisfying as being one. Taking pride in the past, tempering your personal ambitions, and taking pleasure in watching and contributing to the unfolding of younger people—which are critical components of aging well—can be hard achievements for people who in fact have much to be proud of.
The transition from work to retirement generally is not easy psychologically because so much of who we are and of our sense of meaning and value comes from work. Expect at least a small emotional roller coaster.
According to the CDC, and reported by NBC News, more than 1 in 10 adults take antidepressants.
Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy
Video Blogger: Jacob “The Wizard” Heiser
This video explains why you should not defragment Solid State Drives. Jacob Heiser talks about how an SSD works and how a defragmentation effects your performance.
BLOGGER: Michael B. Friedman, LMSW
After a person has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia, subsequent emotional, mental, cognitive, and behavioral problems are usually blamed on the disease. Other possible reasons including behavioral disorders such as depression, anxiety, or substance abuse or ordinary human reactions to tough realities are very often ignored.
“Grandma seems terribly sad.”
“ Of course, she has Alzheimer’s”
“Grandpa has been nasty lately“.
“It’s the Alzheimer’s.
“ Uncle John doesn’t enjoy life anymore.”
“ Who would? He has dementia.”
“ Mom isn’t eating much or isn’t taking her pills or isn’t getting any exercise.”
“It must be the Alzheimer’s”.
Not necessarily. In fact, blaming dementia very often gets in the way of understanding what is really going on and doing something about it that will help.
If there were a pill that would reverse, stop, or — better yet — cure Alzheimer’s, it might be useful to understand the emotional and behavioral problems of people with dementia solely in terms of the disease. But the best pills available now only delay the unavoidable decline in memory and other cognitive functions. That’s worth doing, of course, for the people for whom the pills work. But counting on the doctor to come up with medicine that will make a big difference usually is disappointing.
People with dementia experience many of the same emotions as people without dementia, but they are at higher risk than older adults without dementia for diagnosable mood and anxiety disorders, both of which can result in declines in cognitive functioning that are similar to the decline associated with dementia.
Unlike dementia, however, depression and anxiety can be treated effectively; and if they are, the loss of cognitive functioning that is caused by these disorders can be reversed. To be clear, treating depression and/or anxiety does not reverse dementia and the loss of cognitive functioning caused by dementia. But effective treatment for mood or anxiety disorders can result in overall improvement of functioning that can make a very big difference in a person’s life.
These days, of course, the first line of response to depression and anxiety is medication. However wise that is for people without dementia, it is unwise for those with dementia. Medication can be helpful, but it can also be dangerous. At the very least, doses must usually be lower than for younger adults.
Better is to begin with interventions that do not rely on medications. Some formal psychotherapies can be helpful, such as “cognitive-behavior” and “interpersonal” therapy. Exercise, interesting activities, and social contact with people they enjoy can also be extremely helpful.
Most important is to understand (1) that people with dementia are adults with meaningful life histories, personal interests, individual desires, and a need for dignity and respect and (2) that behavioral “problems” are to a significant extent in the eye of the beholder. People with greater understanding and tolerance of behavior, that most people find trying, are generally better able to help people with dementia to get the most out of life.
I don’t mean to make this sound easy. Some people with dementia are so profoundly sad and lost in themselves that they may be impossible to reach. Some people are “scared to death” by the slightest change in routine. Some people completely deny that they have any need for help. Some people are abusive towards anyone who tries to help them, evoking responses in kind from many — if not most — of us.
But many people could be helped to overcome emotional problems that co-occur with, but are not caused by, dementia.
In an ideal world everyone with dementia would be able to get a sophisticated assessment to distinguish between the effects of dementia and other disorders and then to get the treatment that would be most likely to be effective. But in the real world there is a terrible shortage of physicians who understand the subtle differences between dementia and depression and other disorders. In the real world there is a terrible shortage of geriatric psychiatrists and other mental health professionals. And in the real world, paid and family caregivers usually do not get training and support to help them be more skillful with and tolerant of the people they care for.
Our nation needs major changes in policy to address these shortfalls. In the meantime, however, we need to understand that there are ordinary emotional causes for the sadness, disengagement, and anger experienced by so many people with dementia and that we caregivers can do much to meet human needs often neglected because of a frightening diagnosis.
Grandma is sad? Grandpa is nasty? Maybe they are clinically depressed and could benefit from treatment. Maybe she’s lonely and he feels he’s being treated like a child. Maybe it’s something else. But be careful not to jump to the conclusion that it’s because of the dementia.
Are you one of the 2.9 million grandparents in America who are raising their grandchildren? Although there are many good reasons to do this, it brings increased responsibility, stress and sacrifices that you probably didn’t anticipate for your “golden” years. Kin caregiving becomes necessary in families of all backgrounds and socioeconomic statuses and for many reasons, from military service to parental illness or death to child abuse or neglect. Census data reveal a significant increase in kin caregiving recently, probably due to the recession. When called to provide care, you may be relieved that the children can be safe with you, but now you have a lot to do. You’ll need to take care of getting the children enrolled in school, apply for financial and medical benefits, make sure they are seen by a pediatrician, perhaps arrange for counseling, consider pursuing custody or guardianship. The list goes on and on. So how do you do this and still find time for yourself? Many grandparents respond to the children’s needs first and try to take time for themselves later. Many never get to it — an understandable choice, but ultimately you need to take care of yourself to be able to do the best you can for your grandchildren. How Can You Cope? Becoming a kin caregiver evokes many emotions, from the joy of having your grandchildren with you to feeling angry and resentful about your adult child being absent or about your losing so much — your time, possibly your job, your independence, sleep, your financial security.
How can you cope?
• Staying healthy is important. Don’t miss your annual physical or ignore symptoms that are new for you. Fit in some exercise. Walking is a lot better than nothing.
• Have some fun. Stay in touch with friends. Do things you enjoy.
• Find reliable people to talk with — a trusted friend or family member, clergy or a counselor. Alternatively, join a support group where you can talk with others in similar situations and learn about services and resources for you and your family.
• When you feel overwhelmed and that you can’t possibly get everything done, make a list of things to do, decide what has to get done now and what can wait, and schedule when you will do them. Literally, put them on your calendar.
• Talk with your grandchildren about what you’re finding difficult. They may be having a tough time emotionally, but they also may be able to help more than you think.
All of this is easier said than done, and you can certainly expect that there will be times when you feel that you just can’t take it anymore. That’s par for the course when raising children. Sometimes it’s wonderful to be with the kids; sometimes it’s enough to make you furious or bring you to tears. But sometimes caregiving can overwhelm anyone. You may not be able to do the things that really have to get done or lose patience more than you used to. You may feel hopeless or helpless or lose pleasure in everyday life. You may have trouble sleeping, more than the usual physical aches and pains, or be drinking too much. You may be withdrawing from the friends and support you need. These are all signs that your coping is running short and when you need to recognize that you need to take care of yourself in order to care for your grandchildren. Raising grandchildren can be very satisfying, and it is always a challenge. Take care of your kids and take care of yourself. That’s the best caregiving of all.
This post was co-written with Deborah Langosch, Ph.D., L.C.S.W., the Project Director of the Kinship Care Program at the Center for Trauma Program Innovation at Jewish Board of Family and Children’s Services in New York City.
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