Yoga at 92-years-old

When my friend Susan goes on actual dates, she does exactly the same things that most people do. She goes out to dinner. She goes to the movies. She goes to female impersonator shows. But somehow, the end result always seems to veer off course.

Sometimes, she and the guy never even make it to the actual date. On one occasion, she and her date planned a picnic. They would meet in the parking lot near the picnic area. They had decided that they would each bring food. Susan was to bring the wine; her date was to bring an assortment of cheeses and crackers. A romantic first date was anticipated by Susan. Subsequent events would make her less optimistic. Her date was late, and then, when he finally arrived, she watched him circle the parking lot for about five minutes before he finally parked the car.

When he did finally did pull into a parking space and Susan came over to his car, she asked him if there was a problem. He said there was no problem, but he immediately complained about the day being so warm and his wanting a soda during the drive and stopping at a 7-11 to get one, but not being willing to spend $1.50. Susan then told him that she had wanted to call him to see why he was late, but she didn’t have his cell number. He told her he didn’t own a cell phone because they were too expensive.

They then walked to what Susan described as “the edge a cliff” (Susan doesn’t get into parks very often). Susan carried a bottle of wine and two glasses. She noticed that her date didn’t seem to be carrying anything.

By now, she was adding up all the negatives of the situation and deciding that she really just wanted to go home. She told him she wasn’t feeling well, and decided to pass on the “picnic.” Her date expressed concern and asked her if she wanted to just go back to his car, sit and eat the crackers and two slices of Velveeta that were in his pocket. Susan told him she was allergic to Velveeta and left. She took the bottle of wine home with her and consumed a fair amount of it that evening.

Another favorite of mine (I’m not sure why Susan doesn’t find quite the humor in it that I do), is one that I referred to briefly in a previous column. I will now divulge all the details. Susan and a man planned a movie date at a theater that was located in a shopping mall. By the time they arrived, the theater was packed, and they couldn’t find seats together. Her date rearranged the entire audience by telling them he was going to propose to her and they had to sit together. One of the people who was forced out of her seat was an elderly woman with a walker. She ended up being moved to the first row, and being separated from her companion, all in the name of “love.”

Susan was mortified, but she said nothing. The movie began and after about 30 minutes, Susan’s date announced that he was going to get popcorn. He then disappeared for an hour. Susan considered the possibilities and decided that one of two things had occurred. Either he had a heart attack and the EMT had taken him away, not knowing that he had a date still sitting in the movie. The other possibility was that the elderly woman in the front row had beaten him senseless with her walker.

It turned out that neither of these had occurred. Her date finally returned, loaded with packages. He said he had gone shopping because he didn’t like the movie. He especially needed a new pair of shoes, and luckily, he found a store that had the perfect ones. He then proceeded to dig into his shopping bag to show her. Susan was so stunned, she didn’t say a word. When the movie ended, she walked to the front of the theater to try to find the elderly woman and ask her if she could borrow her walker for a moment. But the woman had already left.

I will explore more of Susan’s antics in subsequent postings. Luckily for you and me, if not for Susan, there seems to be a never-ending supply.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

renee-fisher

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Posted 1 year, 9 months ago at 12:08.
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On Meeting Up with Elders: The Early Bird Special

On Meeting up with Elders: The Early Bird Special

BLOGGERS: Mary A. Languirand, PhD & Robert F. Bornstein, PhD

A friend told us the story of her mother’s most recent visit. Her mom didn’t drive, and planned to come by train. While not thrilled by this plan, there were few realistic alternatives, so our friend agreed—reluctantly, to be sure—and promised to be waiting at the station to pick her up. She arrived 10 minutes before the train was due, only to find her mother shivering on the wind-swept platform, clutching her suitcase: She’d taken an earlier train, having arrived at her departure station well ahead of schedule. The inevitable “why didn’t you call?” was met with protests that she was perfectly fine, didn’t want to disturb her, and so on. Our friend’s initial response was guilt, quickly followed by irritation, generating more guilt.

As we age, our capacity to judge time accurately diminishes: Most people begin to perceive time as passing more swiftly. This tendency is magnified significantly in the early phases of certain forms of dementia, when minutes start to feel like hours. However, the behavior isn’t limited to people with dementia—many older folks become hyper-aware of how time is precious and fleeting, and not wanting to miss out on anything, even the most laid-back elders evolve into “early birds”.

Other age-related factors also contribute to this shift. Deteriorating night vision can lead to avoidance of rush hour traffic and crowds, while the need for frequent bathroom breaks may make your loved one insist on multiple pit stops everywhere you go. For some family members and friends these behaviors are seen as harmless quirks, good for the occasional joke about having dinner mid-afternoon. However, these quirks can actually lead to some significant stress, particularly when you’re their primary source of transportation and support. When your own schedule is already overbooked, Dad’s insistence on arriving for his doctor appointments half an hour early may grate on your nerves (especially if his doctor is notorious for running late….and whose isn’t). A dozen phone calls to remind you of the appointment beforehand along with requests that you “hurry up” while en route may generate tension. So do frequent “what time is it getting to be?” queries while you sit in the waiting room, powerless to move things along.

It’s hard not to resent Dad for getting you into this mess in the first place, and hard not to deliberately start running late on pickup days to regain control of the situation. So what can you do? Three things.

First, try to determine whether your loved one’s “need for speed” is motivated by underlying worries about issues other than concern with timeliness. You may discover that Mom’s fear of getting home late is actually due to concern about her dog, or that Dad’s insistence on dining early is based on his need to save a few dollars. Addressing those issues may lead to much relief all around.

Next, set a realistic time schedule, review it as needed, and stick to it. If you know from experience that it takes Mom at least 10 minutes to put on her coat, lock the door, and put her keys in her purse, factor that into the schedule. Explain what you’re doing: “Your appointment is at 10:00am. It takes 10 minutes to get out of the house, and 15 minutes to get there, so I’ll be at your place at 9:20. We’ll have plenty of time to get a parking space and hit the bathroom.” While unforeseen circumstances may arise, stick with the plan; with sufficient repetition, your loved one will realize that you’ll get where you need to be when you need to be there. (And if she wants to stand on the porch for a half hour before you arrive, that’s her decision.)

Finally, review your own attitudes toward time. “Wasted” waiting room time can be a valuable opportunity for a one-on-one chat with your loved one. It can also be an opportunity to catch up on your reading, draft this year’s holiday message, plan next week’s menus, or text that friend with whom you’ve been meaning to re-connect. It can also be a brief interlude of relaxation for you to enjoy. A bit of reframing on your part can go a long way toward making a frustrating situation much more tolerable….for both of you.

Robert Bornstein and Mary Languirand are the authors of When Someone You Love Needs Nursing Home, Assisted Living, or In Home Care, published by Newmarket Press. The second edition, revised and updated, was recently released. Here’s the link: http://www.newmarketpress.com/title.asp?id=901

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