Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop |

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Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop

Sex and the Sixty: The Coffee Shop

BLOGGER: RENEE FISHER

Before reading, if you haven’t read the first three blogs in the series, you can click the links below:

Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating

Sex and the Sixty: Susan Gets Online

Sex and the Sixty: Not a Good Match

When Susan agreed to my rules about coffee only/60 minute maximum, she decided it would be a good idea to knock out (well, not literally) as many men as possible on a daily basis, and thus began setting up two coffee dates per weekend day, one per hour. The venue was a local bagel bakery in a crowded suburb of DC.

On one especially lucrative day, Susan managed to schedule three men, back-to-back. She set up a 10:00 a.m. date, went in, got a cup of coffee, sat innocently at the table in a bright chartreuse shirt (easily identifiable so that no man would ever mistake another woman for her), and waited for her date. Enter Date #1. He found her, they chatted. After approximately 50 minutes, she walked him out the door, said good-bye in the parking lot and then headed back into the bagel place.

She then touched up her lipstick, rid herself of the cup of coffee, and checked to make sure her mascara was still in place. I’m not sure why Susan felt that the act of drinking coffee would damage her mascara, unless the coffee were so hot as to make her make up evaporate, in which case, it would also have been suitable material for a lawsuit.

She then procured another cup of coffee and waited for her next victim (oops, date). Date #2 entered, and he and Susan went through the same scenario. In 45-50 minutes, Date #2 was out the door. For her third date, Susan re-entered the bagel bakery, and she was handed her third cup of coffee. As she walked away from the counter to pay for it, she overheard one of the cashiers whisper to another cashier “Ah, here comes the Bagel Hooker again.”

I can relate to this. For a couple years before I started dating my second husband, I met all of my internet dates at a diner that was directly across the street from my office. That way, I could, at whatever moment I desired, announce, “Wow, gotta get back to the office!” Unlike Susan, I didn’t schedule dates back-to-back. But Susan has always been much more efficient than I was about men.

Unlike a coffee or bagel shop, this diner had a hostess who would seat people. Each week I had one or two meetings with men. Each time I would say to the hostess, “I’m meeting a man here but I don’t know exactly what he looks like.” Then, after an hour, we would leave together. After several weeks, I noticed that whenever I came into the diner, the employees would stop what they were doing, watch me, and shake their heads knowingly.

Then one morning, I met my friend Crazy Debbie for breakfast at the diner. Debbie is nothing if not memorable. It was a weekend morning, and the diner was very crowded. I arrived first and got a booth at the far end of the room. About ten minutes later, Debbie swept into the diner wearing a nightgown, fur boots, and a tiara. She had a purple oval painted on her forehead. When the hostess asked if she could help her, Debbie replied in a very loud voice, “I’m meeting my lover here!” scanned the room, located me, pointed in my direction and announced, “And there she is!”

From that moment on, I morphed from a mere call girl into a genuine celebrity in the eyes of the diner staff.

I think I’ve covered all bases now leading up to relating the actual live meetings between Susan and Her Men. That, depending on how long this friendship lasts at this point, will await that time until either Susan accumulates more stories or until she remembers the ones that were so traumatic that she has temporarily blocked them from her memory.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area. She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50 www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist for examiner.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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