Comments on: GROUCHY GUY: TEASING AND ANGER MANAGEMENT

By: Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D.

Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D. — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 14:23:55 +0000

It is extremely challenging dealing with a grouchy guy who is also depressed. Grouchy guys don’t like to admit they are depressed because it feels like admitting to a weakness and to admit to weakness seems unmanly to a grouchy guy. Grouchy guys take out their anger at themselves, the source of depression, by making everybody else in the family feel as miserable as they do. Humor is one of the best antidotes to depression but some antidepressants and a little psychotherapy might help as well.

By: Amy

Amy — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 07:04:59 +0000

This topic touches home for me because I am married to a grouchy guy. He wasn’t always so. Somewhere in his mid-50’s he seems to have morphed into his father. It’s been both surprising and depressing. In response to Doug’s comments, I can only say that living with such a person drags me down mentally and spiritually. It has ruined lovely vacations, driven off friends and, generally speaking, taken a heavy toll in my life. My husband was diagnosed by three different doctors as clinically depressed in 2002. Treatment seemed to help for a while but it didn’t last.

I have no doubt that grouchiness can be an honest attitude; I certainly don’t expect anyone to be always happy. However, I do not give myself permission to take out my bad moods on anyone else. Why would I accept such behavior from others including my spouse?

This really is serious stuff. I’ve been married for 33 years. The constant sourness has been like a steady stream of battery acid being poured on the relationship. It taints every aspect of our marriage including the physical intimacy which was always our strong suit. I mourn the loss of that. I know I need to get out of this marriage. The truth is we both need to be free to find whatever or whoever it is that will bring us happiness.

By: Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D.

Lawrence Josephs, Ph.D. — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 10:53:56 +0000

Doug is absolutely right that our feelings are never “wrong.” If our life or our marriage sucks and we are angry all the time, it’s an honest reaction and why should we pretend otherwise? The problem is not feeling angry but how we express that anger. There are ways of expressing our feelings that open up dialogue, like expressing empathy for the other’s viewpoint or using humor, and ways of expressing ourselves that’s picking a fight, like being insulting and disrespectful. Expressing our marital resentments in constructive ways is better than stuffing it or acting it out indirectly, like by having an extra-marital affair.

By: Doug Rosbury

Doug Rosbury — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 02:31:19 +0000

There is nothing wrong with being grouchy. To suggest
that someone should not be grouchy is to judge them as being “WRONG”. This is a show of disrespect toward that person, When you are grouchy, don’t you have a damned good reason for being that way? To always be happy is to
give the impression that nothing is wrong which is patently
not true and we all know it.! Grouchiness is a wonderful tool to help you find out who your friends are. A grouch can be
your best source of wisdom, but you have to let him or her
know that you don’t think of them as inferior simply due to
their grouchy attitude. Grouchiness can be the most
honest attitude. As far as I’m concerned, people who are always happy and supportive must be up to something of a self serving nature. No thanks. I can’t pretend happiness When i know there’s so much dis
honesty in the world. God loves me just as i am and that’s all i need to be comfortable being a grouch.
Doug Rosbury —Born 5-6-1935 at 9 am Detroit, Mich.