Comments on: Facebooking at 40…

By: Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos

Kathleen O'Keefe-Kanavos — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 20:02:19 +0000

Hi Dr. Deborah Heiser, Thank you for linking my site to yours. We met on Twitter. Learning to use the Internet is a skill that we “boomers” are mastering and finding rewarding. The Internet is a wonderful place to make new and meaningful friends. As a baby boomer, I’ve observed my priorities change from sexual revolution, to peace-not war, to health issues associated with living a long life. The Internet helped me find answers from blogs written by fellow baby boomers. My issue was surviving breast cancer recurrence that was missed by the medical community both times. It is my hope to help other “boomers” who may be traveling this bumpy road by sharing my experiences. I’ve moved out of a place of need into a place of survice and I’m using the internet as my platform. Thank you for helping me spread the word. http://www.survivingcancerland.com
Twitter- PsychicHealing
FB Kathleen Okeefe Kanavos

By: Vivian Weinberger

Vivian Weinberger — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:36:49 +0000

I too have recently and reluctantly joined facebook at the request of my eldest daughter and interestingly she has not yet “friended” me.
As opposed to your facination and indeed obsession my experience has been the opposite. I am afraid of going on facebook, I am overwhelmed and frightened of all the people who want to be my friend. Now realize that my teenage and twentysomething daughters and their friends are also on facebook and I in now way want to be thought of as spying on their activities. Do I really want them to know about my exploits? (Don’t worry — they’re not all that racy.) Many of the people I work with are in their twenties and while they may be nice people, I don’t really want to share information about me with them nor do I really have an undue interest in them beyond what we can talk about face to face. and since we do see each other frequently that is easy to do. I am horrified of not understanding what I have just done. Who has access to what I say? Are people mad at me if i ignore them. What if I don’t accept them? I really think that this is probably not for me

By: Nathan Consedine

Nathan Consedine — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 00:56:17 +0000

As someone looking, um, “down the barrel” of 40 myself, I enjoyed your post regarding the rush of that initial FB addiction and the gradual fade that appears in its aftermath. Perhaps we should be grateful that cold turkey on Facebook doesn’t seem to create the sort of withdrawal that accompanies other addictions although I certainly know a few younger folk that might dispute that . . .

I do, however, think that a fair number of the concerns that people have regarding Facebook – the “what if my coworkers learn I’m not just the quiet dude in the office” phenomenon – might be alleviated by investigating the privacy controls of the site. If you are concerned (or if you have habits or aspects of life you don’t wish to share) you can simply restrict who can see what. This, of course, brings a whole new host of “net etiquette” questions (e.g., what do when that sweater co-worker you hardly know and, quite frankly, don’t want to know wants to be your “friend”), but, just as in the “real” world, there are polite ways to say no thanks. Tell them, it’s only for communicating with family, ignore the request, carry on and tell them you’re not using the site anymore, create a new identity and look up the people you want to be friends with directly . . . . and so on . . .

And, no, FB is sure as hell not designed for people entering mid-life. Like Debbie, I don’t care about your silly poker game, I don’t want to sent you an exploding purple fish, and chest bumping is something I haven’t done in nearly two decades . . . . at least not while sober. That said, these things CAN simply be ignored or, if you spend a few minutes working out the complex options, turned off. I guess my sense is that Facebook is just a tool, nothing more or less. As implemented in the context of social networking (ugh) and relationships, it does not have to be thought of as any different from sharing a coffee, chatting on the phone once a week, or having dinner together when you’re in town. No, it’s not a substitute, but it does fulfill a function when you are busy and you want other people to look at pictures of your kid in his penguin outfit . . ..

By: admin

admin — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:48:11 +0000

Mary, one thing is for sure – FB was well worth it just to reconnect with you! I look forward to seeing you and catching up sometime in the near future

By: Mary

Mary — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 19:29:24 +0000

Great blog Debbie. I have to agree and was laughing hysterically at your description of all the applications that come flying your way.

While FB is a fun nostalgic look back and a way to reconnect with so many lost friends, it isn’t always so easy to continue the relationships. So many things change and lets face it, we aren’t teenagers anymore. I have to admit I have felt a bit awkward at times and truly happy at others. But one thing is for sure, I am glad we reconnected and look forward to seeing you in the near future

By: Jacqueline

Jacqueline — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:00:38 +0000

I agree that while FB is fun, and you can find out about old friends you lost touch with, it’s disconcerting to realize that your co-workers, bosses, mates, etc. can easily find out what you’re really up to and what you were up to in years past.
Everyone was afraid of Big Brother and now we’re all voluntarily Big Brothering ourselves!