Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating

Sex and the Sixty: Online Dating

BLOGGER:  RENEE FISHER

My friend Susan has had such a long, varied and rocky career as a dating single, that I, as one of her closest and dearest friends, listen to her tragic stories, and, as the caring, compassionate person I am, laugh myself sick.

It’s tough not to.  Susan seems to attract a lot of really interesting and unique men.  Some of them have “handles” that conjure up visions that make me a bit queasy:

pistolhead

riding cowboy

katlicker

dixiekraut

pistolpete

swabjock

Now for the actual words:

“I’m 62 but still active…”

Is he saying he is still sexually active or that he still has the ability to get out of bed in the morning?

“I haven’t been with a woman in eight years.”

If someone wrote that to me, I would immediately consult an attorney to find out which criminal offenses would result in an eight year prison term.

“Do ya judge the book by the appearance of the cover, or do ya open the cover to find out if the table of contents captures and peaks your interest enough to read more?”

Actually, I like to scan the index first, then check out the footnotes.  Sometimes, I read the jacket, but other times I flip right to the author’s biography at the end…

This one is from “Looking For Busty”: “I am an older, independent, very safe, straight man in good shape and I like very much the younger woman who is busty, local and in very good shape for extra-curricular activities.”

Hey LFB, there are about 10,000 other guys waiting in line for her also.  Good luck.

“I am looking for one woman, not two or more…”

I’m wondering about a person who has to clarify this.  Has he had negative experiences with trying to find a soul mate and instead being tricked into having group sex?

“I am a very outgoing person and I always see the glass as half full.  I’ve been told that I have a very humorist personality.”

This is also called the “Will Rogers Syndrome.”

“I’d like to volunteer this; I look and act a lot younger than I actually am.”

I’d like to volunteer this: 95% of people over the age of 45 would probably write exactly the same thing about themselves.  The other 5% would use capital letters when they write the words “a lot.”

A recent poem Susan received had these lines hidden among all the others that professed undying love:

“When someone is willing to do without,

So your life is complete”

This would stop me in my tracks.  This guy is either Bernie Madoff writing from his North Carolina jail cell or a man looking for someone to donate a kidney.

Susan was really excited when I told her I would write columns about her attempts at internet dating.

“You can be my blind author!” she exclaimed.

“I think you meant ‘ghost writer’,” I said.

Oh boy, are we going to have fun with this one.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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Resisting An Age Phobic Culture

Resisting An Age Phobic Culture

BLOGGER:   JESSE MENDES

There are some people in this world that approach every birthday in their later years with a sense of dread; an unwelcome, God-forsaken, doomsday event.

One of those people is my mother. Every year I try to remind her of the level of self possession and appreciation for life that she has now, that continues to grow as she gets older, and that she never had when she was young. Every year I point to her the strength, the beauty and the wisdom with which she perceives life now, that defines her day to day experience, and that only came with age. Every year, she admits I am right. My mother is an extraordinary woman with extraordinary depth, and a capacity for love and sheer delight that most people can only dream about. And yet despite her treasures; despite her sanctuary of a home and her beloved cat creatures and her rich social life and her back yard of magical forest fauna, every year, she fights me. Every year, as I implore her to remember who she is and how she inspires me, she clings to her disgust about age, insisting that I won’t understand until I reach her age.

Perhaps she is right. Except that I believe we all have, to some extent, a hand in how we experience, or respond to, the inevitabilities of life – and our emotional responses are shaped, in part, by our attitudes. And I don’t want to dread growing older. Maybe I can’t control that. Maybe there is some genetically-pre-disposed, universal experience to getting older that I’m oblivious to. Or maybe we’ve all been sold a bill of goods; an ideology so utterly devoid of virtue or any morsel of humanity – that to age is to become undesirable, impotent, irrelevant and disposable.

There it is. The elephant in the room. Well, hardly. Common attitudes about aging in North America are nothing short of pathological, and yet somehow, they make up most of the propaganda we all willingly participate in every day. My mother is one of many victims of a mass media marketing machine, peddling warped ideals of an age phobic culture. How will I fare? Will I succumb to mainstream dictum?

Not if I can help it.

Jesse Mendes is a writer, editor and journalist who is deeply committed to helping to change how older women are perceived in North America, and to dispeling the stigma around aging. Her blog can be found on the Blogroll on this web site, and on the link on her Twitter page, where she goes by the name SeptemberMay.

BLOG

Contact Jesse on Twitter

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7 Myths About Women Over 50

SEVEN MYTHS ABOUT WOMEN OVER FIFTY

BLOGGERS: Renee Fisher, Joyce Kramer, and Jean Peelen

We three women over fifty decided some years ago to change the conversation about aging and dispel myths about women over fifty. These myths may have had validity when none of us humans lived much past age fifty or sixty. Remember our grandmothers? They looked old at forty. They wore housedresses and sturdy shoes. Their lives were all about raising their children, and when that was done it seemed that at least in society’s eyes, their lives were done.

Today we women over fifty have changed considerably. Our average life span is eighty-plus years. We are out in the world, making art, saving villages, improving our communities, keeping up with runway fashions, and living our lives. Yet somehow, myths remain. Here are the ones we keep encountering.

1. Women over fifty don’t care what they look like.

Since two out of the three of us are planning to have our next round of cosmetic surgery, we take exception to this. We now remember with fondness that construction workers used to give us wolf-whistles. We thought it obnoxious then. We miss it now. Women like us drag ourselves to the gym, where we get to compete with twenty-somethings for parking spaces and treadmills. We take Yoga and Pilates, go on diets, run marathons, go on diets, dye our hair, go on diets, get contact lenses, go on diets. We care. A lot.

2. Women over fifty don’t like sex.

Since one of the three of us is married, this is a touchy subject. The answer is, just let a healthy, willing, attractive male show up in our vicinity and we will be ready. Or, if even two out of three of those categories show up, we will be ready. Actually, “willing” might make up for any other shortfalls, depending on how long it’s been. And just think, since we can’t get pregnant, we can just zip past the pregnancy prevention shelf at the drug store.

3. Women over fifty find menopause terrible and debilitating.

YES! Menopause is TERRIBLE and DEBILITATING. It ruins our lives. It is the worst thing that has ever been invented in the history of the universe. It is worse than diet ice cream. OK, now that we have acknowledged that, can we please move on? The fact is that two of us didn’t even notice menopause, except that we could also zip right past the sanitary products shelf too. So, menopause exists and we’ll have it for awhile, and then we’ll get over it.

4. Women over fifty can’t keep up with the times.

Interesting, since women over fifty are the fastest growing group on Facebook. We three have six computers among us. We have and use PDAs, GPSs, and iPods. We have almost outgrown email, and are Facebooking and twittering. And let’s face it: Without us, a lot of the Help Lines would go out of business. We may have grown up in the Stone Age, but we have managed to survive into the computer age.

5. Women over fifty miss our children and only want to be with our grandchildren.

We love and adore our children. We love and adore our grandchildren. That’s the only acceptable answer, isn’t it, since this will be in print? We love them the most when they don’t ask us to baby sit too much. But seriously, we can love them and still want a life. That’s the bottom line.

6. Women over fifty fear change.

That’s really funny, since virtually everything about us is changing. Body parts are moving to different locations or vacating entirely. Hair is now appearing in places it never was and disappearing from places it used to be. We could go on and on. So, we say we don’t fear change. We are, and have been, the movers and shakers of our lives. Go to any art class and see who is involved in creative pursuit. Go to yoga or meditation classes to see the same. Look at the women starting new careers, or the ones running for office. Check out writing classes, art appreciation classes, cooking classes. Look at who is doing work in developing countries, starting foundations, traveling the world, raising money for causes, marching for causes. Change? Bring it on! We are well-practiced, and good at it.

7. Women over fifty are counting the days until retirement.

We agree with this statement. No matter how much we love our careers, we are chomping at the bit to have the time to travel, to explore, to start new businesses, to enroll in college, to volunteer, to write books, to inspire our daughters’ and granddaughters’ generations with the unlimited possibility we have. We can’t wait to retire so we can see what’s next. We have lived only the first half of our lives and are anxious to see what we will create in the second half.

So, let us bury the useless, outworn myths along with all other outmoded notions of who we women are and what we are up to in our lives. We are here. We’re living, laughing, loving, and planning to be so for the next fifty years.

All of these myths and more are dispelled in our new book Saving the Best for Last: Creating Our Lives After 50. You can read more about us and our books at www.invisiblenomore.com

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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Seven Reasons to Date Women Over 50

Seven Reasons to Date Women over 50

BLOGGERS: Renee Fisher, Joyce Kramer, and Jean Peelen

Single women over 50 who want to date, have discovered the terrible truth: Men over 50 don’t want to date them.

Single men over 50 are often looking for much younger women. And older men who are in less-than-perfect physical condition are often looking for women in perfect physical condition. To be fair, we also know that in many cases, this preference occurs “on paper,” meaning in the world of online dating. Put most of those same men in a room of age-compatible women, and attraction will occur. So, here’s what we propose to you men over age 50 who would like to have a real relationship with a real woman:

Put down the Viagra and spend a moment considering the following: Seven reasons why you should date women over 50.

1. Our biological clocks are gone forever. Or else, we have permanently misplaced them, along with our keys and cell phones. We’re not dating you because you’re good genetic material with which to produce offspring. We simply enjoy your company.

2. We live alone. For most of our lives before age 50, we lived with other people. Sometimes, we even knew who they were. We shared our living space with parents, roommates, lovers, husbands, children and assorted friends of our children who we discovered on couches, under beds, and in our garages. Now that we are alone, you get to be with us in a quiet, romantic setting. And you don’t have to wait in line to get to the bathroom.

3. We know that it is not our job to mold our partners. The phrase “I can change him” has been blasted out of our vocabulary by life experience. Part of the joy of being over 50 is that we now take people as they are. So settle down, relax and be happy you made the cut.

4. We don’t endlessly discuss commitment. The question “Where is this relationship going?” is about as useful to us as “Do you think the IRS will audit my return?” The joy is that we don’t spend time now in search of commitment. We simply spend time with people we like.

5. We have our own money. We like being financially independent, and we like deciding what we do or don’t do with our own money. We might agree to go Dutch, treat at times, or even enjoy paying your way, as long as that doesn’t intimidate you.

6. You don’t have to spend every minute with us. We have a close network of female friends. So you get to be with your guy friends, and we won’t feel left out. Or you can sail or play golf or whatever. If you don’t like to travel as much as we do, we can do that sometimes with our friends as well. And we won’t drag you to craft fairs unless looking for antique teapots really turns you on.

7. We will never ask you how we look in a dress. We have way too much self-confidence for that. Instead, we’ll just kiss you and ask, “How does it feel to be going out with the hottest woman on the planet?” And all you have to answer is “Great.”

We are changing the conversation about women over 50. We know that women over 50 are beautiful, sexy, vibrant, and will love you for exactly who you are. What better way to spend the years ahead.

Renee Fisher is a Realtor and writer who lives in the Washington, DC area.  She is the co-author of two award-winning books about life after 50www.invisiblenomore.com and is the DC Boomer Humor columnist forexaminer.com DC-Boomer-Humor-Examiner.

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Book Reviews

Book Recommendations

BLOGGER:  Deborah Heiser

How often have you wished you had a good source for finding a good read?

I’m starting this ongoing book review so people can list their favorite books, whether they be “beach books”, “self-help”, “tutorials”… you name it.  Let’s all share our favorites!  Send in your book review by commenting below.  I’ll add your review to the posting.  In the meantime, start reading the reviews we have so far…

You can start by reading Arin Goldman’s blog about getting her Kindle.  Arin includes some good recommendations.

here we go…

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A great self-help read:  Recommended by Debbie Heiser

OBESE FROM THE HEART by Sara Stein, MD

As my all male family (including the bird) watched the football game I read a great book: Obese from the Heart by Sara Stein. Dr Stein writes about herself as an obese woman who has struggled with weight all her life. What struck me about this book, what makes it so different from so many other books, is that it does not apply only to obese or overweight individuals. Although I’m constantly saying I want to lose the last 5 lbs. of baby fat I gained from having my children (now 4 and 5), I’m not obese and have never been. This book resonated with me because Dr. Stein talks not as a doctor, but as a person, about so many of the issues that plague us and that can lead to obesity (among, I must say, other issues as well – such as depression and anxiety). Overwork, stress, bottling up our emotions, are things so many of us can relate to. This book doesn’t preach about eating, not eating, doing or not doing. Dr. Stein writes from her heart in a way that makes obesity understandable, personal, and completely relatable. I would heartily recommend reading this book, whether obese or not.

A novel recommended by Laura Nolte Cirincione:

The Help is a 2009 novel written by American author Kathryn Stockett.  It is also available in audiobook.

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A novel recommended by Clive Priddle:

Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel. It’s The Tudors meets Game Change

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Novel recommendations by Vivian Weinberger:

I am currently reading a Pat Conroy book called South of Broad.

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Comment below if you’ve read any of these books or if you have any others to add to the list!

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5 Ideas for New Year’s Resolutions

BLOGGER: JULIE WEBSTER

We are always thinking of ways in which we can lose weight, eat better, exercise more, and so on.

How often do we think outside of that box? Here are some ideas for making our lives and the planet healthier!

1. Change the Way You Eat

Idea #1 - Make it a point to sit down with friends and family for at least three meals per week.

With the change in schedules and the availability of fast food, our society has moved far away from the relaxing social meals of the past. When eating with friends and family, we eat slower because we are talking and enjoying the conversation. Not only will we feel better physically but we will be filled much more emotionally.

Unfortunately it is not only our country that is compromising the way we eat. In John Robbins book, Healthy at 100 he notes the following:

“In almost every culture in the world, eating dinner together has been a place for families to strengthen bonds. The French in particular have long cherished mealtime as a family ritual, so much so that children have traditionally not been allowed to open the refrigerator between meals. But the days of sitting for hours around the table savoring small portions of several courses and relishing each other’s company seem to have passed. Instead, it has become commonplace for the French to eat in front of their television sets, while talking on the telephone, and even alone. As McDonald’s has become more popular in France than anywhere else in Europe, the average French meal, which twenty-five years ago lasted 88 minutes, has been reduced to only 38 minutes today.”

Idea #2 – Stop eating in the car, in front of the television, or standing at the counter.

Our digestive system is not meant to adapt under any of these circumstances! When we sit down, relax, focus on our food, and breathe, our bodies are prepared to produce the appropriate amount of digestive enzymes and we get the most benefit (nutrients) out of our food. Part of the reason we overeat is due to these unconscious methods of eating. We hardly chew our food and inhale it at such a rate that our brains have yet received signals that we are actually full. Consequently we overeat and feel bloated and gain weight. The crazy part about the whole process is we have no idea just how much this type of eating has compromised our health.

If this is you, maybe one of your resolutions is to make the time to sit down, relax, and take a few deep breaths before taking your first bite. Appreciate the amazing fact that food is our lifeline to health. Enjoy it fully.

Although this has sounded crazy to most people that know me, even if I am alone at home for dinner, I actually prepare a delicious nutritious meal, pour a nice glass of wine, set the table, light a candle or two and really enjoy the time of eating a wonderful meal in a relaxed setting. I am sure this sounds off the charts for many of you but I encourage you to try it once or twice. It is a great experience!

Idea #3 – Learn about Slow Food

Slow Food is a movement that counters fast food. It is about creating a way of eating and living that associates the pleasure of food with community and the environment. There are many Slow Food movements throughout the world. Here a some sites to learn more: http://slowfoodcu.wordpress.com/about/

http://www.slowfoodusa.org/index.php/slow_food/

2. Change your Shopping Habits

Idea #1 – Stay out of the middle of the grocery store!

The most natural and healthy foods are found around the periphery of the store. You will find the most nutritious and least processed foods in this area. Not only is the food more processed as you wander down the aisles but can be more expensive. Plus the amount of packaging adds to the increase in waste products in our landfills.

Idea #2 – Take a list and Do NOT go when you are hungry!

I realize that neither of these ideas are new yet can save you a lot of money and keep you on a healthier track of food. Think about what you would like to make and jot down the ingredients you need. Make it an intention to get only those ingredients. Of course if you see some great sale on fruit or vegetables you might want to get extra while you are there. The main thing you want to avoid is picking up that junk snack food that you know isn’t good for you and yet is so tempting when you are hungry and just mindlessly wandering the aisles of the store.

Idea #3 – Change one/two buying habits into healthier choices.

Although eating organic and antibiotic free meats can be expensive, in the long run it is cheaper than eating a bunch of junk and ending up sick! Besides, by watching for specials in the produce, meat and fish section of the stores, you can find deals that are worth the purchase. For example, not too long ago the Whole Foods in Boulder had grass fed ground beef on sale at an amazingly cheap price. Now I don’t often eat ground beef but at that price it was worth purchasing it and keeping it in my freezer for that unexpected time I might want to make something with it.

The same goes for produce. Although you can’t necessarily store it, there are certain foods that I (now) only buy organic. The reason being is that certain plants are sprayed much more with pesticides and the produce absorbs more of it. Two examples are strawberries and spinach. I only buy these if they’re organic!

So start with one or two things that (you feel) are easy to change in your diet. Maybe it is organic produce or antibiotic free chicken, whatever it is, it will have a positive impact on your overall health over time.

3. Become a Part-Time or Full-Time Locavore!

What is that you ask? The term Locavore started in the San Francisco area not too many years ago. The premise was to encourage people to only purchase food that has been grown within a 100 mile radius of where you live.

Eating local foods is a great step towards saving our planet and increasing our health. When you purchase food that is grown within 100 miles of home, you are helping the environment. It requires much less fossil fuel to get it to the store! In addition, the food is much fresher as it is picked when ripe, thus allowing time for all the nutrients to get into the food. You are also eating foods that are in season; something we are designed to do.

Although this might not always be easy, start with your local Farmer’s Market. You will meet some great people - the farmers and ranchers. You will find you have a much greater connection to the person growing your food, the food will taste amazingly so much better, and you will feel a greater part of the whole food chain. If you are in a cold climate where this is only available in the summer, start there and get to talking to the farmers. Chances are that many of them will be able to provide you with food in the winter months as well.

I have found a local organic farmer, Jay Hill Farm that grows greens and various other produce all winter long. I just have to email her and it will be picked the following morning and ready for pick up after 11am. I have made salads with her mixed greens and arugula for many friends and family. I always get the same reaction, ‘wow this is the best salad I’ve ever had!’ In so much as I would like to think it is my amazing ability to make a salad, I know better. The main difference is the fresh and vibrant taste of the greens!

Want to learn more about the ‘locavore’ movement? Here is a link and quote:

“The “locavore” movement encourages consumers to buy from farmers’ markets or even to grow or pick their own food, arguing that fresh, local products are more nutritious and taste better. Locavores also shun supermarket offerings as an environmentally friendly measure, since shipping food over long distances often requires more fuel for transportation.”

For the full description from Oxford, read this. http://blog.oup.com/2007/11/locavore/

For additional benefits on the locavore lifestyle, check out this site. http://www.locavores.com/how/

For ideas of the closest Farmer’s Market and where you can find local ranchers, here are some websites:

Local Harvest is a great source for finding food grown close to you.

http://www.localharvest.org/

This USDA site might offer you some farmer’s market information.

http://www.ams.usda.gov/AMSv1.0/FarmersMarkets

Eatwild.com is your source for safe, healthy, natural and nutritious grass-fed beef, lamb, goats, bison, poultry, pork, dairy and other wild edibles. You can go here to find ranchers in your area.

http://www.eatwild.com/

If you can’t find one, the U.S. Wellness Meats in an alternative place to get grass fed meat and more.

http://www.grasslandbeef.com/StoreFront.bok

4. Change your Water Drinking Habits

Idea #1 – Purchase water in larger quantities and fill your own bottles.

To begin, water is life. Without it we will die and yet we don’t drink enough. Many people are walking around dehydrated and don’t even know it. For more details on signs of dehydration and more on the benefits of drinking water, read this article.

Meanwhile there are many more people drinking water-like products than ever before. First, many of those are processed and have various types of sugar and more. Rather than purchase these expensive products drink good water! Second, realize the environmental consequence of using all those bottles!

Last, if you do not have good water available in your area, purchase a water filter. There are many types on the market and are worth the cost.

Idea #2 – Purchase a healthy reusable bottle for your water.

BPA is a chemical that is found in hard plastic. It is very toxic and has been proven to cause cancer. Although more companies are aware of this and changing their bottles, not all are there yet. If using a plastic bottle, look for one that says, “BPA Free.”

One of the companies that have taken on this change is Nalgene. I really like their bottles as they have a variety of designs to meet everyone’s needs. If you cannot find them locally, here is their website. http://www.nalgene-outdoor.com/store/

The second option is to use one of the Swiss made bottles. They are stainless steel on the inside so no worries about the plastic. Again you might be able to find these locally but if not, here is their website. http://mysigg.com/index.asp

5. Find Ways to Help Sustainability and Decrease your Carbon Footprint

In addition to the aforementioned, here are some relatively easy things you can do that have a positive effect on our environment.

Idea #1 – Decrease the amount of animal products you eat.

One of the ways we can have the greatest impact on our planet is to change our diet towards a vegetarian one. Now I am not proposing that we all give up animal products. I personally cannot imagine doing this and yet I am very impressed by those that have.

What I do realize is that even with eating grass fed and antibiotic free beef, cage free and natural chicken, and non-farmed fish, we are still using a great deal of the resources available on our planet. According to the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization, “Livestock production is responsible for more climate change gasses than all the motor vehicles in the world. In total, it is responsible for 18 percent of human induced greenhouse gas emissions. It is also a major source of land and water degradation.”

So what do we do about this? Well, my goal is to start by having one day a week that I eat no animal products. I will then work towards two days. If each of us gave up one or two days a week, we would have a huge impact on our planet. With this being said, I intend to put more vegetarian recipes on my website!

Idea #1 – Change your lIghtbulbs!

As your light bulbs burn out, replace them with Compact Fluorescent Light Bulbs. They are 75% more efficient and last 10 times as long. http://www.rodale.com/cfl-and-led-lightbulbs

Idea #2 – Start unplugging what you are not using!

Unplug lights, stereos, printers, heaters, and anything else when not in use. Even if the units are turned off, many of them continue to use energy. The only way you can be assured they are not is to unplug them from the wall. It only takes an extra second but can have a huge impact on our energy output.

Idea #3 – Recycle!!!

Make it a goal to have a minimal amount of non-recyclable trash. Last year I made my goal to not have more than one (kitchen) bag of trash for two weeks. So far I am there all but those times that I have a big party. Once you get in the habit it is really easy. If you have a local recycling program, learn about all that you can recycle. If you are lucky enough to live in a place like Boulder, then you also have compostable recycling. If not, get a bin and start composting. Here is some information on how:

Idea #4 – Buy products with the least amount of packaging.

As mentioned earlier, if you stay along the periphery of the store, you will find the packaging to be at a minimum. Even at this however you need to think! I do see these plastic containers for spinach and mixed greens. Don’t buy them! Instead buy in the bulk.

To support this concept even more, I just purchased some reusable vegetable bags. I haven’t tried them yet but am excited to decrease the amount of plastic bags I accumulate. Check out their website! http://www.3bbags.com/

Idea #5 – Use less paper products.

Two ways that are extremely easy is in the kitchen. Rather than purchasing paper napkins, get some really nice cloth ones. It is a much nicer feel on your mouth and hands and they last forever! I still have the original ones I bought about 25 years ago! (I use them for outside picnics and camping.)

The other easy change is in using dish towels rather than paper towels. Dish towels or sponges are great and can be reused for a long time. Of course we do still need some paper towels but not so many.

Idea #6 – When Purchasing Paper Products, Get Recyclable Products

You can avoid the bleaching process and save the trees! “ If every household in the United States replaced one roll of virgin-fiber paper towels with 100 percent recycled paper towels, we could save 1.4 million trees.” Source: Care2 http://www.care2.com/greenliving/paper-towels-and-napkins-vs-cloth.html

Idea #6 – See how you’re doing!

Calculate your Carbon Footprint now and then again every few months. There are a lot of different sites to figure out this process, just search for carbon footprint calculator. This one is pretty simple but a good place to start: http://www.nature.org/initiatives/climatechange/calculator/?src=l12

If you have information or ideas that are along these thoughts, please share them! I look forward to hearing from you and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

ulie Webster is a Certified Massage Therapist and Certified Health Counselor. She provides health education online and through seminars. In addition she has written a book titled “Regaining Good Posture” which is available as an ebook, with videos performing each of the stretches, through her website: www.julie-webster.com Julie is also available for presentations on posture and various health topics to corporations. To reach her visit her website or email her at info@julie-webster.com

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WHEN I AM 64 WILL I BE HAPPY? II

When I am 64 will I be happy? (Part 2)

BLOGGER:  PAUL GRIFFIN, PHD

Does happiness change with age? Although the difficulties of the aging process coupled with negative stereotypes about the elderly lead many to think that a decline in happiness is inevitable, in my first post I argued that some research contradicts this popular belief. A number of studies find that those who are 64 are more likely to report higher levels of happiness than those who are 34 or 44. These findings are revealing, and certainly they point to reasons why we should be somewhat optimistic about our “golden years.” But in this post I would like to add a note of caution. Although some have used these compelling findings to definitively conclude that happiness increases with age, I think this general conclusion is problematic for two primary reasons. After discussing these problems, I will try to keep the reader happy—especially the baby boomers–by nonetheless arguing that there are still considerable reasons to be optimistic about getting older, even if the future of aging presents a number of pressing issues for society as a whole.

The first problem with concluding that happiness increases with age is that findings on this subject vary according to how happiness is measured. This brings us to an issue that has perplexed greater thinkers throughout the ages: What is happiness? On the surface, this is a rather basic question that could be answered by most anyone. We have all experienced happiness, and, therefore, we all believe we know what it is. Yet because happiness is a subjective experience, a standard definition remains elusive. We all come to our own definitions of what happiness is, and subsequently use this definition to answer the question, Am I happy? Therefore, even with the understanding that people can be wrong about their own emotional states, most research on happiness is based on directly asking the people being studied to provide the answers themselves. The most basic way of doing this would be by asking a single global question like the following: “Taken all together, how would you say things are these days—would you say very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy.”

Some—particularly in psychology– approach the question of happiness a little deeper by more precisely trying to define the components of happiness. Since they often still take a subjective approach to answering the question, the term that is often used interchangeably with happiness is “subjective well-being” (SWB). Fancy terms for common words are often a part of academic disciplines, and it might be true that in many cases such substitutions are a way for people with PhDs to feel a wee bit smarter (and, thus, a bit happier). In this case, however, I think the use of the term SWB is way to arrive at a more precise definition of happiness. The three broad components that make up people who are high in SWB are characteristics typically associated with happiness: high life satisfaction, high positive affect (more likely to experience positive emotional states), and low negative affect (less likely to experience negative emotional states). Reliable multiple-item questionnaires have been created for all three components and used in hundreds of studies.

Now what is interesting is that when you take a close look at the research on aging and happiness, you find certain differences depending on how and what component of happiness/SWB is being measured. For instance, the single item question described above (“Taken all together..”) has been used in a number of large studies comparing thousands of people of different ages. Some research of this types indicates that happiness is high in people in young adulthood—in their 20s—and then shows a decline until one reaches their late 40s to early 50s, whereupon we once again see increases. Other research, using components of SWB, finds other results. For instance, considerable amount of research on life satisfaction does not often show the early dip in middle-age, but rather a gradual rise from individuals in their 30s to the early 70s. Also, research on negative affect often indicates significant declines in the experience of negative emotions as we move from young to older adulthood, but the research on positive affect is less conclusive, with some research indicating no change with age, other findings pointing to small increases, and yet other research finding gradual declines. Please note that even when these mixed results are considered, it still does not suggest that happiness is highest in young adulthood.

I will try to make sense of these discrepancies in a moment. But let’s take up the second problem, which is that a considerable amount of the age and happiness research is composed of populations that often do not include many people in their 80s and beyond. Not including such age groups might have made sense several decades ago, when they made up smaller amounts of the elderly population. But that is not the case today, and it is likely that “late life” for increasing number of people in the future will not mean late 60s or 70s, but the decades beyond. Therefore, this is an important population to consider, and when we begin to expand our research pool to include these age groups, the picture of happiness and aging becomes more complicated. For instance, while SWB research comparing samples of people in young adulthood and middle-age (30 to 50) to older adulthood (60 and 70s) often indicate higher SWB in the older populations, when we look at groups beyond their 70s, declines are more pronounced. My own longitudinal research with a sample of 1500 men found that while negative affect showed a significant decline between middle to older adulthood (from 40 to 70 years), these declines began to flatten when they reached their early 70s, and then the experience of negative emotions showed a gradual increase as men moved into their 80s. Therefore, while it is true that a number of studies do find increases in happiness with old age, many of these studies fail to define “old age” with individuals beyond their late 70s. Studies that do focus on the very old (>80) often find reductions in SWB with age.

What are we to make of all of these discrepancies? First, it seems that if we want to get a more defined picture of how happiness changes across the lifespan, we need to fully consider what aspects of happiness are being measured. When we consider the different components of SWB and how they show different changes across the lifespan, rather than think of these findings as inconsistencies we might instead want to consider how they reveal the different ways that aspects of the happy life manifest themselves across the lifespan. A more complete picture of happiness requires us to move away from a global and singular answer to this question. Different changes in different indicators of SWB might point to the varied ways we adjust to the aging process.

Second, recent research that finds declines in happiness in very late life make it clear that we should be careful about coming to any general conclusions about the direction of SWB across the lifespan. Although it is now more common to find headlines—in both academic and popular outlets—claiming that happiness is highest in later life, I think this optimistic picture of aging is incomplete. Yes, there is considerable amount of research that indicates that people are quite happy at 64, but we know considerably less about this question when we ask those who are 84. And while 64 years of age might have once produced the iconic image of the later years of life in a song written several decades ago, this picture of late life has shifted and thus must our conceptions of what it means to get old. Recent research indicating declines in happiness in the very old (>80 years) should be reason for concern. They probably point to the many stressors of the aging process as increasing difficulties accumulate.

Yet before you say I don’t want to be 80, consider a couple of points. Several longitudinal studies on SWB find a significant degree of variability in how people change across the lifespan, even in these later years. This is another way of saying that while a considerable number of people might show decreases in happiness in very late adulthood, a considerable number do not. Yes, people are still flourishing, even in their 80s and 90s. Why? What predicts differences in the ways we cope with the aging process? This is an essential question that I will address in a future post. The important point to consider now is that there is no reason to believe that such declines are inevitable. This leads me to my next point, which is that not so long ago our perceptions of aging and what was to be expected of those in later life were considerably different from today. Ageism and common negative stereotypes of the elderly remain, but consider the more sedentary lives of those in their 60s and 70s a half century ago, and compare that with the active lifestyle many in this same age group are practicing today. This profound cultural shift can be attributed to a variety of factors, including greater amounts of social capital, better health, and expanded life expectancies.

One of the most influential researchers in gerontology and positive aging, Paul Baltes, once wrote, “The greatest invention of the 20^th century is old age.” In saying this, Baltes was saying how none of the changes we described were inevitable. If people live longer and in some cases better at later ages, it is because of the significant contributions made by society to cause these changes. But Baltes’ comment also points to the tremendous strain that such an invention places on society and individuals. If getting older is to continue to mean getting better for a significant portion of the population, it will also require considerable effort and sacrifice. When you consider that whatever the age of the person reading this post, it is now more likely than ever before in human history that he or she will spend more years at advanced ages of life, such commitment and sacrifice will be an essential part of ensuring a happy populace now and in the future.

To find out more about Dr. Griffin, click his photo below.  All links for Dr. Griffin will be listed below his bio.

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How to Get Pictures From the Internet in Your Video

HOW TO GET PICTURES FROM THE INTERNET IN YOUR VIDEO

Vivian asked the question:

“If I want to make my own video is there a source of pictures/videos I could use in my own video, for example if I wanted a picture of the planet earth from space spliced into my video can I do that?”

Larry’s Reply:

For personal use images of earth you can go to: http://visibleearth.nasa.gov/

NASA Terms of Use

For all non-private uses, NASA’s Terms Of Use are as follows:

1. The imagery is free of licensing fees
2. NASA requires that they be provided a credit as the owners of the imagery

Other sources include istockphoto.com. This is an inexpensive pay for use site and has about any type of photo, video clip or audio clip that you could want.

To find out more about Larry, click on his photo below:

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Finance Question Answered

Finance Question Answered

Answered by:  Arin Goldman

Vivian asked the question:

“Does one have to be retired to remove money without penalty from an IRA, 401K, 403B etc at age 59 1/2?”

Arin’s answer to Vivian’s question:

Once you reach age 59 1/2 you can start taking money out of your IRA or 401K in any amount you want. Keep in mind that you’ll owe tax on the amount you withdraw from a traditional account.  The amount that you withdraw will be added to your other income and you will pay taxes based on your total income. With a Roth, there’s no tax at all provided your account has been open at least five years and you’re 59 1/2.  Most advisors recommend that you hold off witdrawing funds from your retirement accounts until you’ve actually retired because at that point you will presumably be paying taxes at a lower rate and because you probably will need your retirement funds to last as long as possible. I recommend that you check with your financial advisor and/or accountant to make sure that withdrawing funds makes sense for you.

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WHEN I AM 64 WILL I BE HAPPY?

When I am 64 will I be happy? (Part 1)

BLOGGER:  PAUL GRIFFIN, PHD

In 1967, one of the first major reviews of happiness appeared in the psychological literature. It might seem hard to imagine now with new books on happiness popping up every month or so, but at that time happiness was of relatively little academic concern within psychology. Therefore, this article by a psychologist named Warner Wilson was quite valuable because it attempted to review and synthesize all of the studies on happiness up to that point and draw some conclusions based on this research. Among such conclusions was one that still seems persuasive to many: when it comes to happiness, better to be young.

Each year I teach an undergraduate class on the psychology of happiness. With the exception of a student or two, most of these students are in their late teens to early 20s. When I ask them to hypothetically compare the happiness levels of 20 and 30 year olds with those who are in their 60s and 70s, usually more than 60% pick the younger group (I suspect the numbers would be even be larger if it weren’t for the fact that by asking the question I am priming them to go against their instinct). Perhaps unless you are over 50 it is hard to think that being older means being happier. Why should it? After all, doesn’t getting older mean getting worse? Yes, it is true that the advent of modern medicine along with the rise of gerontology and education about aging has led to some shift in the way we think of older adulthood. However, while today’s 60 was yesterday’s 50, it doesn’t mean that common negative stereotypes of aging still do not persist. As one student asked, what is so great about losing cognitive skills, physical mobility, freedom, and social stature? Or as another student more bluntly put it, “not getting it up” can hardly make for a happy life.

Young adults’ mistaken perceptions of what awaits them in the coming years might lead to false conclusions about happiness in later life, but I think that there is more to it than that. In fact, while often grossly overstated by some, the aging process does involve decline in a number of areas, including certain cognitive skills and especially in a variety of physical abilities. And although there is a certain level of esteem and respect that is garnered as one ages (and, one hopes, progresses), our society still places great value on youth and the associated beauty, vigor, and excitement that comes with it. Regardless of the myths, in many respects, getting older can be hard. The often intuitive belief that being young means being happier makes perfect sense to me.

Let me reiterate, though, that Wilson’s early conclusion about happiness and aging were not based on intuition. This argument was based the existing research at the time. So this would be a pretty depressing post if I told you that this was the end of the story, that four decades later we have come to the scientific conclusion that it sucks to be old. In fact, something interesting happened—well, interesting enough, that I went on to do my doctoral dissertation on the subject (which according to some friends, hardly makes it interesting). After Wilson’s review, gradually more studies began to be conducted on the subject. The reason for this was twofold: greater attention to issues surrounding the aging process and more study devoted by psychologists, as well as related fields, to the question of happiness itself (I will have more to say about that in a later post). And not just more research, but better research. With each ensuing decade, the instruments being used were more precise and the populations being studied were larger and more diverse.

So now the interesting part. Through the 1970s and early 1980, a number of different studies did not find evidence that the young were happy than the old. In fact, by 1984 in the second major review of the literature, Ed Diener—one of the most prominent researchers in the area of happiness—had to amend Wilson’s original conclusion about age and happiness. At this point the research indicated there was no significant relationship between the two variables. In other words, age played little role in predicting happiness. Although there were certainly differences across individuals, there didn’t seem to be enough evidence to suggest that happiness varied in any predictable ways across age groups. If that still isn’t interesting enough for you, it gets better. After this review by Diener, there continued to be a significant amount of research on the question of happiness and aging. Again, this was due to the continued interest in gerontological issues and in an explosion of research on predictors of happiness. What began to emerge was a picture that surprised by many. So much so, that it was even identified as a “paradox.” Why a paradox? Because not only did it contradict Wilson’s earlier assertions, it went against the intuitive belief I spoke about before, the idea that aging and its associated rigors should lead to greater levels of unhappiness. These newer research suggested the exact opposite: there, indeed, was a relationship between age and happiness, and that relationship was positive. Getting older meant getting happier.

Let me give you one example of a study that changed the tide. In 1998, a young researcher named Dan Mroczek (along with his student Chris Kolarz) published research from a national database known as the MIDUS study. There had already been research suggesting that older people might be happier than the young, but perhaps due to the large sample size (over 2,500 people) and the sophisticated level of analysis, this study received considerable national attention. These researchers found that when comparing a group that ranged from their mid 20s to mid 70s, general levels of positive emotions increased across age groups while negative affect declined. Soon after they published their results, these findings appeared in a host of news outlets (it even provided material for Jay Leno’s opening monologue on the Tonight Show). In many respects, this study seemed to be the perfect conclusion to a decade of research on “positive aging.” For some time a number of researchers had been focused on the issue of understanding emotional changes across the lifespan, and Mrozcek’s study seemed to confirm many of their own positive conclusions about emotional well-being in late life.

So there you have it: when you are 64 you will be happy. Well, not exactly. Of course, no one study can ever then be used to predict an individual’s life. I hope to say more about individual differences—and factors related to such differences—at a later date. But let’s return to the general question of age differences and happiness. Does research substantiate the claim that aging more often leads to a rise in levels of happiness? A decade since Mroczek’s findings, there have been a number of studies that seem to confirm their results. At least when it comes to emotional well-being, these findings paint an optimistic picture of later life. Although it might be hard for someone younger than middle-age to imagine it might be so, a considerable amount of research suggests that happiness is not the provenance of the young.

Of course, some of you might not be surprised by this. In some cases, it might be because you are young and you are thinking, well it has to get better than this. Or maybe you are currently in middle-age or older and can tell me first-hand about this effect (as many of my older graduates have done). Or perhaps, even, you have read about these findings somewhere. Every several years you will find news outlets reporting the “surprising” finding that older individuals are happy! (The fact that this relatively old news is still newsworthy tells us how hard it is for us to believe it is true.) More than ever before—most especially in academic circles—there is an optimistic picture of life in later adulthood. In fact, it is not uncommon to hear the assertion that you get happier as you get older.

Now here is the part where I say that everything I have told you thus far is wrong, and you get annoyed. Well, not exactly. In fact, I do believe that there is considerable evidence to suggest that for many, happiness does increase across the lifespan. I certainly convinced that the notion that you are happiest in young adulthood is false. However, it seems to me that research over the last few years indicates that we might have painted an overly optimistic picture of such changes. In recent years researchers have sought to dissuade many from the stereotypical belief of the cantankerous old man as emblematic of the elderly population, and then replace him with the glossed over picture of a man swimming laps in the pool. There is good reason for this, and I find nothing wrong with our attempt to shift negative perceptions of aging. But what is missing is a more nuanced picture of an expanding cohort of elderly individuals. Although the media loves a happy ending, in my next post I would to discuss why we might needs to shift some of these assumptions about happiness once again. It might be true that you are likely to be happy when you are 64 and 74, but things seem more complicated when we start looking beyond to an elderly population that represents the fastest growing age cohort in the U.S.

For more information about Dr. Griffin, click his photo below:

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